Something New

My mother grew up poor. Her house didn't have an indoor bathroom until one of her sisters died and they got a tiny insurance settlement. My grandfather was a railroad man and worked his ass off every single day to pay off the mortgage on their house. Then, one day in 1952, a flood washed it away and they lost everything they had. It comes as no surprise then that my mother was an incredibly practical woman and raised me to be the same. So, I studied hard in school, graduated at the top of my class and went off to a fancy liberal arts college. I planned to major in chemistry and then go to medical school. Once I got to college, however, it became clear that chemistry was not going to be easy and my advisor sat me down and said, "You can do it. You can major in chemistry and go to med school but you are going to have to really want it." I walked out of his office knowing that I just didn't want it and I was left to ponder an uncertain future. When I sat quietly and listened for what I really wanted, I realized that I wanted to be an art history major but practicality was coursing through my veins and I didn't need my mother to scoff at the idea - I scoffed at it myself. What would I ever do with an art history degree? No. Completely impractical. So, I became a psychology major and proceeded. I sit here now with bachelor's and master's degrees in psychology and a job solving other people's problems for a living. I live comfortably and have economic privileges that my mother could only have dreamed of at my age.  The truth is, however, that I don't like my job. I'm good at it but it does not feed me. As my friend Shelly said to me last weekend, "Vik, you've got a beautiful house, a wonderful family and a job you hate - you are living the American dream!" Never have truer words been spoken. I've spent my life being practical and, in the process, I have completely denied the creative aspects of my personality. Despite the guitar playing and the music writing and the blogging and the peep shenanigans, I never owned my creativity, never gave those pursuits value. Something has changed in me, though. Maybe it is because my mother is gone or because I have turned 40, I don't know but I have decided that it is time to claim my creativity. What this means for the future is still unclear but I am open to all the possibilities. How does this relate to the topic of Something New? Well, cue Patti Labelle because I've got a New Attitude.  

P.S. Dear Luisa, don't worry. I promise to keep my day job. Sincerely, your loving girlfriend...