10 Summer Arguments as Haiku

I work from home and my kids are home for the summer because school does not run all year around like it should. That means that I spend my days trying to write and edit while also preparing meals, doing dishes, mediating disputes and wishing my kids would do something useful like weed the garden. In addition to the basics, I must also solve mysteries like I'm some modern day Jessica Fletcher, though I would never get my own show because I rarely figure out who did the thing.

Summer is winding down now and I could give you the highlights of the trips we've taken and the fun things we've done but I'd rather recap the summer's recurring arguments in haiku because everything is more beautiful when expressed as a haiku.

Let my summer frustrations wash over you as art!

1.

You must get dressed and I don't care if it's summer PJs aren't day wear

2.

There is chocolate Smeared across the kitchen floor Who did that? No one.

3.

Have you washed it yet? The sleeping bag! SLEEPING BAG! Have you washed it yet?

4.

What I did this summer: Washed glasses and more glasses Can't they use just one?

5.

What is in this cup? It is an experiment Stop freezing weird things!

6.

It is twelve o'clock Get up! Get up! Please get up Because it's now two

7.

Get out of the house Go outside or to the park Please leave me alone

8.

You cannot punch him Do not Axe bomb his pillow Do not lock him out

9.

I took your iPhone And your iPad and iPod But forgot the Wii

10.

Give me those matches! Yes, they will strike anywhere No need to test them!

Arctic Fox

As I sat down to blog, my internet went down. I could not connect and I began to panic. My internal monologue went as follows: "Am I going to blow this blog every day goal on January 6th?"

"See! You never finish anything!"

"You could blog from your phone!"

"But I don't want to because I didn't sleep last night and I can't blog on my phone with only one eye open because the keyboard is too small!"

"Quitter!"

"I am going to crawl into my warm bed..."

And when I crawled into my warm bed, my internet came back up! It was a polar vortex miracle!

So, in honor of this horrible cold snap that we all keep talking about, I am going to give you three haiku as an offering.

1.

no school tomorrow

can togetherness kill you?

i think it just might.

2.

watch boiling water

turn into snow in midair

we are simple folk

3.

the white arctic fox

is my spirit animal

we share the same hair

Stay warm. Stay in bed. That's where the internet works the best.

FEATURED PHOTO CREDIT: NATIONAL GEOGRAPHIC