No Surprise

Several weeks ago, I had a brilliant idea to have our friend Brian brew up a special beer in honor of Luisa's birthday. We talked about beers she liked, beers that are good at this time of year and conspired to create a unique gift. Beer takes several weeks to brew so I was extrememly proud of my proactive birthday thinking and couldn't wait to see the look on her face when her personalized beer was delivered to her. A few days passed and Brian sent me a message telling me that he'd bought all the ingredients and was going to start brewing. The very next day, I was at Target scrolling threw twitter as I walked the aisles and I saw this:

For those who don't know, geekydyke is Luisa's twitter name. I read the tweet, gasped and yelled, "NO!" People at Target stared. I frantically sent Esther a message like, "WHAT ARE YOU DOING?! THAT WAS SUPPOSED TO BE A SURPRISE!" Then, shortly after that, Luisa sent Esther a message saying something like, "Um...I'm guessing that was supposed to be a surprise?" Only a few seconds passed before my phone rang and Esther was verbally tripping over herself to apologize. In the days of old, birthday surprises were spoiled by a loose-lipped friend or relative over dinner and drinks. Today, any number of people can blow it with a virtual blurt. See how much more efficient social media makes everything!

Today is Luisa's birthday and I sent her to pick up her birthday beer. Later, I hope we'll crack a couple open in her honor. Happy Birthday Luisa! I love ya!

You Put a Spell on Me

So, Luisa got a new job. It’s her dream job, actually. She’ll be traveling around the world as the Grand Poobah of Epidemiological Magic for NASTAD which means that she will be like a globe-trotting, HIV educating traveling salesman except that she’s not a man and she’s not selling anything. At least, I don’t think so. I hope that, if she is actually selling something, she cuts me in on the profits because I need to stock up on Xanax and hire some minions. What am I talking about? The minions can take care of the Xanax. See? This new job is working out well so far. Her first official day at her new job was 10/25/10. Her last day at the Minnesota Department of Health is 11/12/10. Yes, that means she is currently working two full-time jobs while I’m barely working the one full-time job that I have. On 10/24/10, she went to Trinidad for work. On 10/24/10, I went to the Hennepin County Government Center to work. One of us got to sit poolside and drink cocktails and one of us had a Diet Coke in a cubicle. I wasn’t jealous at all until she started telling me about all the wives that had gone along on the trip. The wives! I know that I’m not technically a wife but I am completely qualified to sit on my ass and drink. The hardest part the trip was that we couldn’t communicate as much as we usually do. In a normal day, we see each other, talk on the phone, e-mail, tweet and send the occasional Blackberry message. She did not have her work Blackberry yet and Trinidad is kinda far away so we couldn’t communicate in our usual ways.

Then, one night, I was playing Wizard101. Yes, I still play. I was zipping around Olde Town on my broom when a message appeared on the screen that said, “Hi!” and the message was from my favorite wizard, Valdus. “Who is Valdus?”, you ask. Well, Valdus is Luisa’s wizarding alter ego! I quickly teleported to her and we stood in the commons of Wizard City and chatted. We talked about the kids and dinner and her trip and then we noticed that another wizard had ambled over to eavesdrop. So, I invited her back to my castle and we chatted in the grove of trees where the unicorn appears and yes I do know how crazy and weird this sounds and you know what? It was crazy and weird and it was also amazing. I was in Minnesota and Luisa was in Trinidad and, through the miracle of the internet, we were hanging out together in Wizard City. God, I love technology.

So I Married an Epidemiologist

As I pulled a t-shirt out of the dresser recently, I realized that my summer wardrobe is largely determined by the fact that my girlfriend is an epidemiologist. She gets a lot of t-shirts from events related to her work, so, I am a walking billboard for health issues. My chest screams "NO MAS!" and my back gives links to sites about HIV and STD's. Sometimes, my chest whispers "AIDS Walk" and my back simply advertises for various sponsors. One of my favorite and most comfortable shirts says, "World Refugee Day" on the front. There are some I won't wear though. One says, "STOP DROP AND ROLL" and has a big picture of a condom on it. I'm not a prude - I object to the shirt because 1) it's ugly and 2) I think "STOP DROP AND ROLL" is a stupid slogan. Luisa wears that shirt all the time, however - despite my pleas. There is another shirt that simply has a picture of a giant condom as a parachute. I don't even remember what it says but the condom is a heinous salmon color and the whole things is just ridiculous and unappealing. I appreciate a free shirt now and then so it's all good. Poor Luisa gets no social work t-shirts. The only one I could think to make anyway would say, "Don't Let the Bedbugs Bite".