All the Candy Opinions

I have a lot of opinions about candy. Strong opinions. This probably isn't that surprising since there is an entire category on this blog dedicated to my reverence for The Peep. Today, I planned to write about candy canes and I was looking for images of candy canes to accompany the post and then found that Spangler, a brand of candy canes, also makes circus peanuts and it completely derailed my train of thought.

Circus peanuts are the worst candy ever. I think about circus peanuts often because I wonder who eats them.

This prompted the following conversation with my lovely friend, Anthony, who spent 21 minutes with me chatting about candies from our youth.

I'm sharing it here with permission:

Vikki: Spangler candy canes make circus peanuts! I have a vendetta against circus peanuts so this is shocking news.

Anthony: Circus peanuts are horrendous. Bleah! I hated those little fuckers even when I was a kid. Awful!

Vikki: Who still eats them??

Anthony: I have no idea. I haven't seen them in a long time so I assumed they were extinct. I guess not.

Vikki: Nope. They are still around. I thought when my grandma died, circus peanuts would too.

Anthony: "10 Candies That Should Go Extinct: Sweets That Suck My Ass"

Vikki: I have STRONG opinions on this topic. Boston peanuts, circus peanuts, classic xmas ribbon candies...

Anthony: Lavender flavored anything....green apple gum....watermelon gum...Nekko wafers...

Vikki: I am SO angry that Skittles replaced the lime Skittle with green apple. SO WRONG. But Nekko wafers make great roofing tiles or stepping stones for gingerbread houses.

Anthony: Yes, but they are evil and awful tasting.

Vikki: Yes. And what is that weird powdery substance on them? Anthrax?

Anthony: HAHAHAHA.....yes, i believe so. Anthrax laced Nekko wafers. Beware, and save the children.

Vikki: About a year ago, I bought that retro gold rush gum that comes in little yellow nuggets in a burlap bag. Remember that? I was trying to revisit my youth and, turns out, I had really shitty taste in gum in my youth.

Anthony: I used to chew spearmint Bubble Yum with wild abandon. I think i used to have a wad of 2-3 pieces in my mouth all the time. And what's the gum that used to shoot the goo in your mouth?

Vikki:I had a thing for watermelon Bubble Yum and would chew two at a time and my mother hated it SO MUCH. The smell used to get to her.

Anthony: I'm with Mama Juan on that one. Watermelon gum smells like puke.

Vikki: OH! What about those awful wax bottles full of juice. Those were terrible.

Anthony: Hahaha...yes....those were bad news. Pop Rocks with a Coke chaser. I felt like my head would explode, and I think that I probably developed Type 2 Diabetes on the spot.

Vikki: You know what candies I feel were misunderstood? Razzles and Bottle Caps.

Anthony: Bottle Caps made me sick. I don't know why, but I didn't like them. Don't remember Razzles.

Vikki: Razzles were like Bottle Caps but fruit flavored and they turned to gum! They were like the Transformers of candy!

Anthony: Oh, what were those candies with the candy stick that you dipped in the powder? Lik Em Stix or something like that?

Vikki: Fun Dip! They still have Fun Dip and my kids get it at the skating rink with their 3764 skeeball tickets that cost me $45. Fun Dip stands the test of time.

Anthony: Fun Dip. Yes. Awful, but I remember loving that as a kid. The worst were those huge lollipops that were multicolored. They were enormous. About the size of my face. I always wanted one when we went to a carnival, and then I would lick it, lick it, lick it....with no progress. I think my parents eventually forbade me to have more when I put the lollipop on the table and it got stuck there.

Vikki: We never let our kids have those but then, once, Aunt Patti got them for the kids and they LOVED them but also realized that they are a lot of work.

Anthony: Ohhhh yes. Now I remember Razzles.




They are a shit ton of work! You can never finish one.

Vikki: Now I want Razzles. Though, I fear it would be like the Gold Rush gum. You really can't go home again.


Anthony: I loved those little butterscotch disks from Brach's. Yummy.

Vikki: THOSE were (and are) gross! That's old lady candy, Anthony! My grandma had those in a bowl near her circus peanuts.

Anthony: *gasp* Bite your tongue. The butterscotch disks were yummy. Buttery and smooth. Like your ass.

Vikki: No. They are terrible candies. However, I will take the ass comments as compliments.

Anthony: Did you ever get a Life Savers book for Christmas? I would have killed for one of those.

Vikki: 
I got one every year and hated it! You know why? BUTTERSCOTCH LIFESAVERS.

Anthony: You are a misanthrope.

Do you have strong candy feelings?

Photo Credit: Walt Stoneburner via photopin cc

*Note: I chose this picture because it is of Runts candy and I once got a lime runt stuck in my nose during a high school English class. High school.

Spirit Week!

It's Spirit Week! Use all the exclamations! I didn't even know my kids' school had a Spirit Week until Miguel came to me earlier in the week and said, "I need a cowboy hat, a bandana and a mustache." I stared at him as I do a lot these days and asked an eloquent and well-phrased question, "Um. Why?"

That's when he told me about Spirit Week and Western Day. That was on Wednesday so I am not sure what spirited activities he had already missed but  he was serious about Western Day. So, I found him a bandana and he found his box of mustaches and that was enough.

In his best southern accent, he said, "Hi. My name is Keith and I am from the great state of Texas. Nice state you have here except for all the liberals trying to take my guns."

Those were Keith's exact words.

To the Texans who may be reading this, I apologize for the stereotypes and, for what it's worth, I enjoyed Keith's company tremendously. He was a riot and represented your state well.

This morning, Miguel came down in his pajamas - his light weight pajama pants with skulls on them and a fleece monkey shirt (which used to be my sister's) over a pajama shirt. His hair was perfectly gelled and he told me he was ready for school. I said, "Um. You have your pajamas on." He then informed me that it was Pajama Day!

So, he gathered up his things and I handed him his trilobite cake and Zeca held the door for him and we all headed to school. We arrived and both kids tumbled out of the car and I wished them luck on their various projects and, as I slowly pulled away from the curb, I saw Miguel running towards the car. I rolled down the window, "WHAT?!"

"MOM! It's NOT pajama day! You have to take me home to change!"

I then made what was probably the cruelest parenting decision I've ever made. I said, "I'm not taking you home to change. You'll be late for school! Go on. You'll be fine." and then I drove away.

I wanted to teach him a lesson. We have made so many extra trips to school this year for all the things he has forgotten. This was the latest in a series of disorganized happenings in his little life. I wanted him to get that I was not going to spend all my days driving to and from school because he didn't have a handle on things.

The first few minutes of my drive home, I laughed. Hysterically. Wearing pajamas when it's not Pajama Day is funny in that "Oh my god! Can you believe it? People have nightmares about that!" kind of way.

Then, I started to feel guilty. I started thinking about the entire junior high laughing at him and I realized I had made a terrible mistake.

By the time I arrived home, I had already decided to take him some clothes. Just then, my phone rang and it was Miguel. I could here girls laughing in the background and he said, "Mom! You have to bring me clothes! I feel so exposed!" I sighed and he said, "If you don't, I will leave school and walk home."

So, I got his clothes and drove back to school and took them up to the junior high and he was surrounded by kids and had obviously not died of embarrassment. I handed him the clothes, gave him my signature disapproving look and left.

As I walked out, his art teacher said, "You brought him clothes. I said I didn't think you would. You are a good mom."

"Well, he told me he'd walk home if I didn't." and at the same time, we both said, "And he would!"

As she walked away, she said, "I just love your son so much."

Yeah. I love him too. Mostly.

Cher and Cher Alike

Sometimes, I commit to too many things. I'm sure this happens to you too, right? You think, "I can do that!" and "I can do that too!" and "Bring on all the things because I have all these empty thing slots to fill!"

Wait. That last one sounds wrong.

Let's all agree that we won't tell people to bring things for our empty thing slots.

Actually, when I put it like that - "thing slots" - it sounds like I have a pronounced lip and I am asking for sling shots. BRING ME ALL THE SLING SHOTS! Maybe sling shots could kill two birds with one stone which would be helpful given that I have too many birds and a serious shortage of stones.

Anyway, I have too much to do and, when that happens, I often make terrible choices regarding my time. It has been awhile since I documented my horrible choices so, today, I bring you a latest edition of Things I Did This Week When I Should Have Been Writing!

1. I contemplated moving to a yurt and then spent a significant amount of time using the Googler to find images of yurts to text to friends so that they could envision my new abode. This was similar to the time I texted a friend and told her I was going to become a longshoreman and then sent her images of longshoreman and used "longshore" as a verb, like "I can't text right now. I have to go longshore."

2. I sat in bed drinking bourbon and watching Cher videos on YouTube. If I could turn back time, I might put that evening to better use.

3. I spent a lot of time on Google searching "hip + short + hairstyles + women" and all the possible variants. Thank god for Pink.

4. Much like The Great Mascara Extravaganza before my wedding, I decided that I would start experimenting with my longer hair. So, I dug out my blow dryer and blew my hair dry for the first time since 1987. I used two different hair gels (one applied before drying and one after) and even parted it on the opposite side. Crazy. My hair and I spent a lot of time together this week and got closer which I didn't even think was possible because we were already so close. I love ya, hair.

5. I read Orange Is The New Black fan boards to see pictures of Laura Prepon filming for season 2 because I would run drugs for Alex Vause any day.

6. I wrote about trilobites at VillageQ and am baking the cake mentioned in that post right this very minute.

7. I agreed to play Words With Friends with Luisa even though I always lose which is embarrassing because English isn't even her first language.

8. I had to watch Celine Dion dance to Daft Punk's Get Lucky because Alexandra made me. Be kind to Alexandra and Celine because they lost to me and Cher.

Despite all of this, somehow, I managed to write a blog post every day here at Up Popped A Fox, three blog posts for VillageQ and 1,549 words on the final essay of my manuscript.

Maybe I'm not such a slacker after all.