Kids Are Funny - Part 4

I am heading to Atlanta for the TypeA conference today. I'll be leading a hands-on session about writing with Heather King which is going to be so much fun. We had a great planning call this week and talked about writing and bedbugs and murder. That's how these things go.

I leave for the airport in 3 hours or so and I haven't packed a thing. I did cut the back of my leg shaving so I have that going for me.

Funny story that has nothing to do with anything I've written so far...

Miguel came downstairs this morning with some beige cream all over his lips and around his mouth. He just walked up to me like he didn't have stuff all over his face and was all, "Hey mom, have you seen my folder for school?'

"What is all over your mouth?"

"Nothing."

"Uh yeah...it's something and it's all over the place!"

He touched his finger to his mouth and was like, "Oh, it's shea butter."

Now, I have two things of shea butter - one is for the body and one is for the lips. Given his history of using creams other than directed, I said, "Where did you get this shea butter?"

"I don't remember."

"You just put it on and don't remember?"

"I just found it and used it."

"Let me smell it."

He leaned in and I could tell it was the shea butter for lips. Thankfully.

The end.

Wasn't that a great story? This is why I get asked to speak at conferences about writing.

I would love to ramble more but Luisa finally got out the suitcase for me. I have to get dressed and packed and all that stuff. I am leaving you with the last funny kids' quotes from Twitter from 2011. There are some really good ones in this bunch and almost all the glory belongs to Zeca!

Have a great weekend!

"I know what I'm having for my birthday cake and I'm gonna call Martha Stewart and have her make it!" - Zeca (2011)

Luisa: "I want you to do what I tell you to do." Zeca: "What if you tell me to jump off a bridge? What if you tell me to jump in a volcano?" (2011)

"So mom if I licked my pajamas until they were clean, would I throw up a hairball?" - Zeca, age 6 (2011)

Me: "Zeca did you put lip stuff all over this paper?" Zeca: "Why would I do that?! No, I just put my lips all over it." (2011)

Zeca: So, lesbians celebrate Christmas? Miguel (sighing): Being a lesbian isn't a religion. (2011)

Me: "Your girlfriends & boyfriends will always be welcome here for Christmas." Son: "What if my girlfriend likes to vandalize trucks?" (2011)

Zeca called someone stupid at school today. Me: "That was not ok!" Zeca: "Well, you tell me that I should always be honest..." (2011)

Overheard @geekydyke asking Zeca how picture day went. Zeca replied: "Everyone thought I looked like a Greek god." (2011)

The kids were talking about Beyonce and I asked if they knew who she was married to and Zeca said, "Ellen?" (2011)

Zeca: "New York seems better than Minneapolis. You can get married if you're gay and you can dance around outside and eat hot dogs." (2011)

Zeca: "Can you live in a recliner?" (2011)

Zeca: No one at school celebrates Peep Week! They haven't even heard of it! Can you believe it?! (2011)

Zeca about me (just now): "I'll be able to control her when she's old." (2011)

Kids Are Funny - Part 3

Yes - I still have more funny/adorable things my kids said from 2011 to share with you.

Yes - the picture of Zeca and Miguel that accompanies this post is from 2011.

Yes - we did enjoy the fact that they were buried in the sand and couldn't move.

It is a damp, gray day here in Minneapolis so I'm taking the funny where I can get it.

Enjoy!

Miguel: "When I'm 15 I'm gonna be a cake decorator at Lunds because if you're going to get minimum wage, you might as well have fun." (2011)

Miguel to Zeca: "I think mama is the only joker this family needs." (2011)

Me to Miguel: "Don't argue with us just for sport!" Miguel: "But sports are fun." #firstdayofschool (2011)

Miguel re: the end of vacation - "It's worse than being shot in the leg with an arrow." #dramaking (2011)

Miguel: "Why are there so many Pennsylvania license plates?" Me: "Because we are in Pennsylvania." Miguel: "We are?!" (2011)

Miguel: "Would you like to shut me in this box? I'm going to be the next Houdini." (2011)

Morning quote from Miguel about him and his sister: "We're quite clever but not the best at making good decisions." (2011)

Me: "You need to learn how to untie double knots. I won't always be around to do it." Miguel: "I know. That's why I'm going to have a wife." (2011)

Miguel:"Is it true that poor oral hygiene can lead to heart problems?" Me: "Yes but who told you that?" Miguel: "You." Me:"Well, I am wise." (2011)

Me to Miguel: "Hurry! I have court this morning." Miguel: "What have you done now?" (2011)

Miguel: "Mom, Super Heroes always have slightly curved faces and arrogant smiles." (2011)

Kids Are Funny - Part 2

I'm hoping to bring a little levity to this Wednesday by posting more of my kids' quotes from Twitter. Apparently,my kids were very funny in 2011 because there were 35  quotes just from that year.

I'm going to spread 2011 over a few posts because I can do that.

Because I'm the boss.

So there.

In 2011, Miguel was 10 and Zeca was 6 and I searched through my pictures from that year to find one to accompany this post. This picture was taken in Obidos, Portugal - one of my favorite places. The window behind them is a couple of feet deep and beyond that is a sheer drop. I asked to take their picture and they both immediately climbed inside the window and started goofing around which freaked me out because I imagined them plummeting to their deaths. I assume this picture was taken after I extricated them from the window. Obviously, they were still goofing around but at least there was a stone wall to keep them from falling.

Keep those little faces in mind as you read some of the best quotes of 2011:

"Recently I've become interested in the exciting art of cheese carving!" - Miguel, age 10 (2011)

Me (aloud to self): "How bad is my hair?" Miguel: "Very bad. It's very messed up." (2011)

Miguel: "That's my hobby - reading trashy tabloids. I really like the People magazine." #fb (2011)

Zeca: "To be a man, you must know your Disney princesses." Miguel: "To be a woman, you must know your superheroes." (2011)

We were talking about pediatricians and Zeca said, "I thought Nicki Minaj was my doctor." (2011)

Playing legos - Zeca: "The mom is eating chicken." Miguel: "No - the mom is ziplining!" (2011)

Miguel said Zeca punched him in the face. We freaked b/c his eyes looked bruised. Later he said, "I just remembered its eye shadow!" (2011)

Miguel just got in the car reeking of garlic. Me: "How much garlic did you eat?!" Miguel: "Just two bulbs." BULBS! (2011)

Miguel: "It's nice to stare at something fuzzy and cute before you plunge into a world or horror." cute=kitten and horror=homework (2011)

Miguel: "What if I made a giant plastic hamster ball and I ran inside it?" #fb (2011)

Me: "Hey now! Sorry is not a game of revenge." Miguel: "Um, mom. It says revenge right on the box." #gamenight (2011)