Kids Are Funny - Part 5

I am leaving tomorrow for the SalonLGBTQ conference and should probably be ironing right now in preparation. Instead, I'm ignoring everything I need to do so that I can revel in some more of my kids' twitter witticisms...twittercisms? These quotes were all taken from 2012 so Zeca was 7 and Miguel was 11.

Can anyone guess my favorite?

Me: "You won't get Christmas presents!" Miguel: "I feel sorry for you-you won't get to see your child smile and I know how much you love that." (2012)

Miguel: "Be relieved of your tears and let me take your burden!" re: his desire to chop onions for me. (2012)

Zeca to Miguel: "I bet if you grew gills on the side of your face and opened them Girl X wouldn't have a crush on you anymore." (2012)

Miguel: "Why does Momo always sleep on you and not me?" Me: "Don't know."  Miguel: "I guess she must be gay." (2012)

Miguel: "You're going to an all queer camp?" Me:"Yeah." Miguel: "Will the cabins have names like Gay Raccoon?" (2012)

Looked down at the lake & M was naked. L (yelled from deck): "Miguel! Why are you naked?" M: "Well...it's a long story..." (2012)

Zeca: "He's like a calculator!" Miguel: "Yeah but he's a calculator for MATH, not crime. I'm a calculator for crime." (2012)

Miguel: "I'm hungry. Me: "I'm Vikki." (followed by my hysterical laughter) Miguel: "And now? I'm creeped out." (2012)

Luisa and I were dancing to We Found Love and Miguel said, "Well, you sure know sexy lesbian dancing!" (2012)

Miguel trying to convince me to make crepes after this sleepover: "My friends might like you now but you can't count on that forever." (2012)

Zeca: "Are you wearing a bra?" Me: "No." Zeca: "I didn't think so. Shouldn't your boob be up here?" (2012)

Zeca: "I am watching a new TV show. It's a little dumb but not racist or sexist." (2012)

Zeca: "Is rainbow a compound word?" Me: "Yep. It’s squished together." Zeca: "Yeah! Just like zom-bie!" (2012)

Me: "You know who makes Mike & Ikes?" Zeca: "No." Me: "The same people who make peeps!" Zeca: "You?!" (2012)

Me: "I'm not perfect." Zeca: "Nothing is perfect but my perfect love for you." (2012)

"Coffee makes me sweaty on the head." ~ Zeca (2012)

"Do you feel my pain about wearing pink snow pants? Do you feel it mom?" – Zeca (2012)

"...and that's why it is torture for me to wear pink snow pants." - Zeca the Oppressed (2012)

"Guess who we want to run this city? Me!" - Zeca, future overlord (2012)

 Also, everyone can rest easy - the pink snow pants are gone. Whew.

Ready For Air - Kate Hopper

I talk often about my belief in the power of the personal narrative to change the writer and the reader. In sharing our stories, we are drawn together to sit with our differences and  similarities, to see the world from a new perspective.

Everyone loves a story.

I know I do.

But a compelling story is not enough to make a lasting impression on me. I want a good story - yes - but I need the writer and/or narrator to be honest and real or I can't fully give myself over to the experience.

I crave the truth and, if a writer gives it to me, I will follow her anywhere.

Kate Hopper does just that in her new book, Ready for Air.

Ready for Air is a memoir about preeclampsia and the premature birth of Kate's daughter, Stella. The journey begins when her doctor says, "I'm worried about a couple of things..." and escalates quickly. Soon, Kate is in the hospital and preparing to give birth to her daughter at 32 weeks.

Kate provides tiny details that ground the reader in that hospital room with her - how the IV feels in her hand, the way her long hair sticks to her neck and suffocates her - and she conveys her inner thoughts and emotions so effectively that we feel the same confusion and terror that she feels.

After her daughter is born, she takes us to the NICU where the bulk of the book takes place. I have never been in a NICU but Kate creates the physical space in such a way that I am there with her. I could see everything happening around her and her husband, Donny - the health crises and the emotional turmoil.

I was lucky enough to meet Kate earlier this year and spend time with her so I was curious to see if the Kate I knew in the real world would be the same Kate in the book.

And she is.

As Kate recounts her experience, she is earnest and kind and funny. But she is also impatient, angry and sharp.

Kate is no saint and I really like that about her.

Right before Stella is born, she writes, "But there is something about my tan, muscular husband running on a field, kicking a soccer ball, while I lie in a hospital with a suppository in my vagina to ripen my cervix that particularly annoys me."

In another scene, she is nauseous and can't breathe and her mother is telling her about a hospital volunteer who "spreads joy all over the place" and Kate says, "Fuck joy."

It doesn't get any more real than that.

This is a story of survival - baby Stella's and Kate's - but it is also a story about motherhood and all the fears that come with it. Though I have never had a child in the NICU, I could see so many of my own fears in her story - the fear of losing your child, the fear of not being a good mother, the fear of not doing everything just right. It is Kate's willingness to appear vulnerable and even less than noble at times that makes her such a credible narrator and powerful storyteller.

As the story draws to a close, Kate writes about an overly earnest mother in a class,

What we usually hear about motherhood is exactly what this woman was spouting in class: bonding and connection, instant love between mother and child. Where are the other versions of that story? The fear and disappointment, the hours and hours spent each day trying to get your baby to stop crying? Where are the stories about what to do if you're going to hurt your baby? Those stories need to be told, too, don't they?

Yes, those stories need to be told too. Absolutely.

***

Kate would love you all to suggest NICU's or Hospital Resource Centers that would benefit from a free copy of Ready for Air. Leave a comment on this post on her blog and include the name and address of the hospital (specify NICU or family resource center, etc.). The blog tour ends in November and, after that, Kate 15 hospitals to receive signed copies of the book.

Kate Hopper is the author of Ready for Air: A Journey Through Premature Motherhood and Use Your Words: A Writing Guide for Mothers. Kate holds an MFA in creative writing from the University of Minnesota and has been the recipient of a Fulbright Scholarship, a Minnesota State Arts Board Grant, and a Sustainable Arts Grant. Her writing has appeared in a number of journals, including Brevity, Literary Mama, Poets & Writers, and The New York Times online. She is an editor at Literary Mama. She teaches online and at the Loft Literary Center in Minneapolis. For more information about Kate’s writing and teaching, visit katehopper.com.

Kids Are Funny - Part 4

I am heading to Atlanta for the TypeA conference today. I'll be leading a hands-on session about writing with Heather King which is going to be so much fun. We had a great planning call this week and talked about writing and bedbugs and murder. That's how these things go.

I leave for the airport in 3 hours or so and I haven't packed a thing. I did cut the back of my leg shaving so I have that going for me.

Funny story that has nothing to do with anything I've written so far...

Miguel came downstairs this morning with some beige cream all over his lips and around his mouth. He just walked up to me like he didn't have stuff all over his face and was all, "Hey mom, have you seen my folder for school?'

"What is all over your mouth?"

"Nothing."

"Uh yeah...it's something and it's all over the place!"

He touched his finger to his mouth and was like, "Oh, it's shea butter."

Now, I have two things of shea butter - one is for the body and one is for the lips. Given his history of using creams other than directed, I said, "Where did you get this shea butter?"

"I don't remember."

"You just put it on and don't remember?"

"I just found it and used it."

"Let me smell it."

He leaned in and I could tell it was the shea butter for lips. Thankfully.

The end.

Wasn't that a great story? This is why I get asked to speak at conferences about writing.

I would love to ramble more but Luisa finally got out the suitcase for me. I have to get dressed and packed and all that stuff. I am leaving you with the last funny kids' quotes from Twitter from 2011. There are some really good ones in this bunch and almost all the glory belongs to Zeca!

Have a great weekend!

"I know what I'm having for my birthday cake and I'm gonna call Martha Stewart and have her make it!" - Zeca (2011)

Luisa: "I want you to do what I tell you to do." Zeca: "What if you tell me to jump off a bridge? What if you tell me to jump in a volcano?" (2011)

"So mom if I licked my pajamas until they were clean, would I throw up a hairball?" - Zeca, age 6 (2011)

Me: "Zeca did you put lip stuff all over this paper?" Zeca: "Why would I do that?! No, I just put my lips all over it." (2011)

Zeca: So, lesbians celebrate Christmas? Miguel (sighing): Being a lesbian isn't a religion. (2011)

Me: "Your girlfriends & boyfriends will always be welcome here for Christmas." Son: "What if my girlfriend likes to vandalize trucks?" (2011)

Zeca called someone stupid at school today. Me: "That was not ok!" Zeca: "Well, you tell me that I should always be honest..." (2011)

Overheard @geekydyke asking Zeca how picture day went. Zeca replied: "Everyone thought I looked like a Greek god." (2011)

The kids were talking about Beyonce and I asked if they knew who she was married to and Zeca said, "Ellen?" (2011)

Zeca: "New York seems better than Minneapolis. You can get married if you're gay and you can dance around outside and eat hot dogs." (2011)

Zeca: "Can you live in a recliner?" (2011)

Zeca: No one at school celebrates Peep Week! They haven't even heard of it! Can you believe it?! (2011)

Zeca about me (just now): "I'll be able to control her when she's old." (2011)