10 Annoying Things

1. Momo was sick this week and every time she started the horrible cat-hacking thing that proceeds vomit, she would run from the hardwood floors to the handmade Portuguese rug in the living room. Every. Single. Time. 2. Whenever the cat-hacking thing began, I would sprint from wherever I was in the house to grab her and attempt to move her back onto the hardwood floors, which only maximized the arcs of cat vomit...on the handmade Portuguese rug.

3. The last person who showered left only a dime-sized bar of soap in the shower which means I spent the entire time trying to generate lather from a tiny soap nubbin. You can't get blood from a stone and you can't get lather from a soap nubbin.

4. Zeca gave Miguel her nearly empty bottle of Cashmere Glow which is a body mist from Bath and Bodyworks that smells like someone planted lilacs, honeysuckle, jasmine and roses in a feral squirrels tail. Miguel then snuck up on me and sprayed me repeatedly in the head while yelling, "GOT EEEEEM!"

5. While cleaning his room, Miguel found a stack of index cards and asked if I wanted them. I do use index cards so I said, "Sure, I'll take them." He then asked me to buy them from him for $1. I pointed out that I bought them for him so he decided to give them to me at no cost.

6. As I held my new stack of index cards, I noticed they were dusty so I blew the dust off them but must not have been holding them tightly or I have lungs capable of creating tropical storms because I blew the index cards all over my room. Nothing better than a game of pick up sticks by yourself.

7. Zeca sprayed Pledge on the hardwood floors in the upstairs hallway. Now, we can all practice ice skating without ever going outside. I hope I remember this when I get up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom.

8. The YWCA was crowded this morning and people were not observing the rules of the track. People were walking in the middle lane and passing in the walking lane and sprinting like Phoebe Buffay in the passing lane. It was anarchy.

9. Adele would not allow Apple Music to stream 25 so I have not heard the new album. Adele has broken my heart and she won't even write a song about it.

10. I couldn't even think of a 10th thing.