Interpreter of Emojis

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These are complex times, my friends. We are using Twitter and Facebook and texts to talk to our friends and family but there are limitations to these mediums. We can become confused or misunderstand each other because such quick communication strips conversations of their tone. There is no way to change fonts and the rise of the use of emojis further complicates things. For those who don't know, emojis are little images that people can attach to their messages to add flair or communicate a deeper meaning. In that way, emojis are a language all their own but many people may need the services of an interpreter to decipher these more complicated missives.

Fear not. I am here to help you. By reading my book,  Interpreter of Emojis by Vikki Reich, you will received practical interpretation of common situations and their accompanying emoticons. Below, you'll find just a few helpful examples from the book:

 

I am a strong, confident woman and I am feeling positive today. I believe I will have success in my endeavor. I am a tigress.

 

You are adorable and I have positive feelings about you and want to do something nice for you. However, I feel self-conscious about that and feel somewhat silly.

 

I am shocked by the negative reaction my post/tweet/text/comment has received but I will not engage with people who do not appreciate my perspective. I will maintain a positive outlook even if I am frustrated and gritting my teeth.

 

Did you actually mean what you said? Is the information you provided factually accurate? If so, I am stunned and have the appropriate facial expression to prove it.

 

My canine companion passed away and I am feeling melancholy. In fact, the situation has brought me to tears.

 

I am sorry to hear you are sick, however, I am happy that I have not had any direct contact with you.

 

I may have made unrealistic goals to start the new year and no longer plan to adhere to them. One of those included changing my diet. I have changed my mind and wish that someone would bring me some bacon. I know the request is laughable.

 

I have not seen this emoji before and it surprises and amuses me. It reminds me of the musical Oklahoma and I will now sing about winds sweeping across the plains.

 

I am going to make chocolate chip cookies which will surely be delicious. I have also mistaken a pile of feces for a chocolate chip with eyes.

 

I was approached by a young man who appeared interested in spending time with me. Then, he referred to druids as a play on the word droids and both are indicative of an intellectual bent in which I am not interested. Please note that I have included an eggplant which is always a typo.

 

I will call you on the phone as I feel that texting is an unacceptable medium by which to conduct this conversation. I have also typed a long form smiley face which means 1) I do not have the emoji keyboard installed and do not know how to obtain it or 2) I likely churn my own butter.

 

I am the emoji master and I hope you enjoyed this sample. Google Translate's got nothing on me :P