Kids Are Funny - Part 1

Yesterday, I was working on an essay for my collection and I wanted to use a quote from my kids. I only remembered it vaguely but knew that I had tweeted it sometime in the past four years. So, I downloaded my twitter archive and searched through 58,551 tweets to see if I could find it. I did find it and also found many more kids' quotes, many of them long forgotten. It was like a glimpse into the past and I am so glad that I have consistently tweeted the funny things they say. It also gave me a clear picture of these kids we are raising and it is possible that we are raising a real life Calvin (impulsive and charming) and Susie Derkins (sometimes sweet and sometimes petulant).

Some of them are too good to ignore so I have decided to share some of the best ones here. I have edited out unnecessary commentary because I am the boss of this blog!

Today, enjoy a few quotes from 2009 and 2010 when Miguel was 8/9 and Zeca was 4/5.

My son just put a naked doll, legs splayed, next to the laptop. Me: I don't want to see a naked doll now. Son(indignantly): Mom...It's art. (2009)

Me: I don't think we should do a peep centerpiece this year. My 7 yo: Have you gone mad?! (2009)

My daughter is singing, "I can fly, I can fly, like a mermaid in the sky".(2009)

Miguel just asked me to open a pack of gum and I said, "How will you ever survive as an adult?!" And he squealed "I know! See what I mean?!" (2010)

Me to Miguel: "Are you at peace with your soccer team?" Miguel: "Well, you're not really at peace until you're dead." (2010)

I. Wish.  you. A. Vare. Good. LiF.    From. ZEca (2010)

Zeca: "Sun, Sun, Mr. Golden Sun please go down on me." Um, no dear. I know that's not how the song goes. (2010)

Zeca said, "Nature made eggs very strong." Now, I am cleaning egg yolk off the kitchen floor and washing it out of her hair. (2010)

Zeca: "Velma is the bravest of all of them but I don't like her best. I like Daphne best." (2010)

Zeca: "You should have two girlfriends because that would be funner." (2010)

Zeca said, "Next year, I'd like my birthday cake to have the flag of French Guyana on it." (2010)

Zeca: "They should make butt bras to keep butt cheeks from jiggling." (2010)

Me (in regard to the 4th of July): "From which country did the United States gain independence?" Zeca: "St. Paul!" (2010)

Zeca in regard to spiders: "I love nature. I just don't love nature in my room." (2010)

Zeca just said, "I can't say 'buoy' very well so I'm just gonna call them boobies. Plus, they kinda look like boobies so it makes sense." (2010)