Muffin Mania!

Do you know the Muffin Man? I do not and I do not understand that rhyme because we never really get any answers about the Muffin Man, just more questions and a vague address. I worry that the nursery rhyme actually promotes stalking of the Muffin Man and, though he confounds me, I do not want strangers showing up on Drury Lane looking for him. But...I digress.

During the first week of my unemployment/retirement/new lease on life, I decided to make muffins. I had 3 overripe bananas and I can't just keep putting overripe bananas in the freezer for the smoothies I never make. I suppose I could get a monkey to eat the freezer bananas but I don't have the energy for a monkey. So, I ran to the store for some chocolate chips and rushed home to make muffins.

Then, I realized that I needed 2 cups of flour and I looked in my flour bin and saw that I didn't have 2 cups of flour. I didn't have time to go to the store again before picking up the kids so - no muffins. (Lesson 1: Always check that you have all the ingredients before you begin a baking project.)

The next day, I went to the co-op to get flour. I went into the bulk aisle which seemed crowded in an unsettling "baking for the apocalypse" kinda way and there was a woman vacuuming up all the bulk baking supplies and the floor was looking pristine. I say this because I promptly got bulk flour all over the floor. White flour on green carpet and I was holding the scoop. The apocalyptic bakers stared at me, judging me and the flour poof at my feet.

When I got home, I assembled all of my ingredients and you know what? It turns out that I had 2 1/2 cups of flour and hadn't needed the new flour at all. (Lesson 2: Measure things before you assume you do not have enough.)

Then, I began making the muffins...but I was also tweeting a couple of friends at the same time. (Lesson 3: Don't bake and tweet.)

They were taunting me and doubting my muffin-making abilities and I got rattled and forgot to mash the bananas before adding them to the egg so this happened:

I posted that picture on twitter and then they made fun of the fact that I was mixing with a tiny fork. (Lesson 4: Don't post pictures of your baking project to twitter because of the mocking.)

Whatever. I knew exactly what I was doing!

So, I kept measuring and adding and creating and, probably because I was starting to doubt myself, this happened:

Of course, I tweeted that picture too which only led to more taunting. (Lesson 5: Never let them see you sweat when you drop your fork in the batter.)

I cleaned off the fork and added the dry ingredients and chocolate chips and the batter tasted delicious. I know...you are not supposed to eat batter with raw eggs in it but let's face it - eating batter with raw eggs is like the base jumping of middle age. I am a thrill seeker!

I lined my muffin cups and poured the batter in and baked them and they all turned out beautifully! Then, I needed to take them out of the muffin pans and put them on the counter too cool but here is the thing - I have sensitive fingers. I couldn't pull them from the pan with my bare hands and I couldn't use a towel because I need more fine motor control than a towel will allow. This is where I admit that I often ask Luisa to handle my muffins. But I couldn't rely on Luisa this time because she was in Angola and her hands were with her.

So, I decided I would just flip the muffins out onto the counter and then nudge them over as needed. I felt this was a brilliant and fool-proof plan...and then this happened:

There are two very important lessons to be gleaned from this photograph. (Lesson 6: Don't flip your muffins, yo. Lesson 7: Mop the day before you bake so you can eat off the floor.)

As for the muffins? They were absolutely delicious. The kids came home and asked why the house smelled so wonderful and I waved my hand over a the counter to show them what I had made for them and they were very impressed. Thank goodness they don't read twitter.

I may not know the Muffin Man but I'm pretty sure that I'll be getting an invitation to live on Drury Lane any day now. (Lesson 8: Dream big.)