Birthday Black and Blues
/Sit back ye children and let me spin you a tale of two women and bags and shoes and false accusations. Earlier this week, in bed...
V: So, I have it narrowed down to four different choices for my lesbian-bag-not-a-purse. L: Great. Pick one and I’ll get it for you for your birthday. V: What?! I am buying myself a bag and you think that it will count as my birthday present?! No. I will have my bag and a present from you. L: We’re not made of money, you know?
Last night...
V: I think I know what lesbian-bag-not-a-purse I am going to get. L: Go ahead and order it. V: Just remember that this bag will not be my birthday present. L: You are hard to buy for! V: I am SO easy to buy for, like the easiest ever. L: No, you think you are easy to buy for but really you are very picky. V: Sure, you can’t buy me clothes or belts or shoes but – wait! Actually, there is an amazing pair of blue and black Fluevog shoes that I would love to have. L: Blue and black shoes? When are you going to wear blue and black shoes? V: ALL THE TIME because they are amazing! L: Like your Frye boots from last year that you have worn once? V (gasping): Do not malign the Frye boots! I know where this is going…you are going to compare them to the Doc Martin clogs from the past. L: Had I been shopping with you, I would have told you right then that you would never wear those clogs. V: I make one bad shoe purchase and you are going to punish me forever? L: Two. You made two bad shoe purchases. V: The black Doc Martins with the buckle and the low heel? I couldn't help that...my pants didn't fall on the shoes right. The pant and shoe connection is important. L: Uh huh... V: The Frye boots are different. I love them so much that I would sleep with them if I could. L: You can’t wear them in the summer because they are too hot. You won’t wear them when it rains or when it looks like it might rain and you won’t wear them when it snows. So, you never wear them. V: I am trying to take care of them. You should appreciate that I am trying to take good care of my things. L: Not wearing them is not the same thing as taking care of them. V: Well, you still have to get me a birthday present and I am wearing my Frye boots tomorrow. L: It’s supposed to be in the 80’s. V: Whatever.
Just to keep you updated, I didn't wear the boots today. It's too hot. Mark my words, however, I will wear those boots! Come hell or high water! Okay...I wouldn't want to wear my boots in hell because my calves would sweat and high water would not be good for my pretty, pretty boots. Still, you know what I mean.