When Life Gives You B.O., Make Samosas

/

Last night, I had a dream that we were at our friends' cabin. The first part of the dream involved swimming at night which I think is generally a bad idea, especially if you are accompanied by your children as we were. Also, there was this weird little marina that we swam up to and objects were moving around by themselves. Clearly, something evil was afoot and bad things were going to happen but my brain was like, "Vikki doesn't need to see chaos and watery death right now" and changed scenes. The next thing I know, I am standing outside the cabin in the light of day and I see Luisa jumping over a fence to go for a run and she is wearing the most heinous running shorts I have ever seen - black spandex with big lavender stripes on the sides. I yell, "LUISA! WHAT THE FUCK?" which is really not very like me. She turns, hops back over the fence and trots over to me and she's all smiley and innocent. I say, "Weeze...it's time to clean the cabin so that we can leave!" and she says, "I know. I'm just going for a quick run". Then, I give her The Look - I stare deeply into her eyes and try to exert control over her with my special powers which is very like me. Without saying anything, I drill "YOU WILL NOT GO RUNNING. YOU WILL CLEAN" into her brain and, of course, she ignores me and takes off for her run and I watch her go. Then, I woke up to Luisa bringing me coffee in bed. I said, "I had a dream about you last night" and she began to squirm because I suspect I was speaking in The Tone that usually accompanies The Look. She said, "What did I do now?" I gave her the details and waited for her to atone. She simply laughed. Laughed! There was no atonement. Then, I got to work this morning and went to turn on my computer only to find that I had no computer. I had absolutely no recollection of taking my computer home but I called Luisa and asked her if it was sitting in the foyer and it was. She then offered to bring it to me which was very sweet so I forgave her for the running shorts and the lack of help with cleaning the cabin.  While I was waiting for my computer to be delivered to me, I drank coffee and cleaned out my work bag. There were all of these little bits of paper shoved into my journal and I found the following:

  • My mother's life insurance policy
  • My boarding pass from my flight to KC in July
  • A projected benefits statement from Hennepin County
  • Several different sets of directions printed from Mapquest
  • A recipe for bruschetta
  • A list of musicians that I wanted to listen to
  • International calling card info
  • A ticket stub from a canal ride in Aveiro
  • A map of Castelo dos Mouros
  • Three random kids quotes/conversations scribbled on a post-it note: 

This one...

Parent: Miguel, it's time to get up.

Miguel: My possibilities are not limited by my disability.

Parent: You don't have a disability.

Miguel: Yes, I do. I have a disability to get up.

 ...this one...

Zeca: If we had a pig, I would go out in the backyard and I would say it was a chicken and then we could grill it. Then, it would taste like chicken.

and this last one...

 Zeca: I could drive from Lake Country to our house if I was an adult. Basically, if I was a kid I would drive really badly. 

As I read over the list, I had to laugh because there are virtually no work-related things in my "work bag" which seems about right. 

It's been a weird morning. First, the computer thing and now I am starting to think that I forgot to put on deodorant. It's not that I smell...yet. It's just a nagging thought in the back of my head. Also, strangely, my hands smell like raw bread dough which is gross. I used this hand cream that I found in my desk that is supposed to be "unscented" which apparently really means "yeast". I have a lunch date today and I'm worried that my arm pits are going to smell like cumin and onions and my hands are going to smell like bread dough. It's like my body is trying to make samosas without my active involvement. I'm starting to worry about the peas and potatoes - from where will they emerge?

I think I need more coffee...and maybe a cream scone from the Turtle Bread Company...and a winning lottery ticket.