Monkey Business

I have many needs this week. Many. I have the usual need for coffee, quiet, sleep, Twitter, friends, love, seasonally appropriate clothing…oh, and food. But, in addition, I need 48 hour days, a covey of minions (each with an understudy), five small cloth bats, mini-whites, storage space and a haircut. I also need people to refrain from warming up nasty food in the microwave by my desk. That last one is just a standing order, a pipe dream really.  Our annual Halloween party is this coming Saturday and I am completely unprepared. In the weeks before Halloween, I usually sit on the lanai drinking mint juleps while planning and Luisa holds an umbrella over my head to protect me from the damaging rays of the sun. Yes, party planning genius requires a certain degree of coddling. I usually have lists and diagrams and recipes. I’ve usually sent out requests for the obscure items I need. This year, there have been no mint juleps, no umbrellas and no timely requests. I have not had a chance to peruse my Martha Stewart magazines, have not had time to clean out the basement and garage (the sites for the dungeon and haunted cemetery). Instead, I’ve wrecked my car and cared for a kid with H1N1. As much as you’ve heard about the scary impact of H1N1, I feel that its effect on party planning timelines has been dramatically underreported. I’m here to tell you that a sick kid takes energy away from important tasks like finding a proper top hat. Consider this a public service announcement. 

I’ve been in denial to some degree but, Saturday night, as I went to bed – it all hit me. That’s when most things hit me…when I am trying to sleep. So, I woke up yesterday morning jumpy and anxious. You’ve not really lived until you’ve had the chance to spend time with me when I’m anxious. I’m as fun as a barrel of monkeys…if the barrel is filled with shrieking monkeys that bite and screech in ear-splitting monkey voices, “WE’LL NEVER GET EVERYTHING DONE AND WE ARE ALL GOING TO DIE HORRIBLE MONKEY DEATHS!” Yeah, I’m pretty adorable. 

It will all get done. It always gets done, right? If not, I’ll just climb inside the coffin in my garage and ask someone to nail it shut. Dead women don't wear top hats.

Wreck

I left work yesterday and drove south on 4th Avenue South and right into a taxi going east on South 8th Street. The particulars of the accident aren't important but the kids weren't with me and no one was hurt. My car took enough damage for both cars. This is the problem with owning a car made of plastic - the damage is always dramatic.

On the upside, when you wreck a plastic car, it's like a picnic. When it's all over, you pack up your plastic ware and drive home.

Yes - that is the front end of my car staring out from the back end of my car. Surreal, no? After the accident, Luisa quickly arrived on the scene and, within minutes, had contacted the mechanic, body shop and insurance company. We then borrowed a hammer from a bystander and banged out the last two plastic bolts that were holding the bumper onto the front of the car. We unplugged all of the lights, threw everything in the boot and I drove directly to the body shop.

Within a couple of hours, we had a rental car and life returned to normal. Thanks to Luisa. She is a problem-solving dynamo. Everyone should have a Luisa. In fact, I'm going to start cloning her and selling her on eBay. That's how I will make my millions!

So, now I'm driving a Kia Sephia that smells like Febreeze because, apparently, the accident wasn't punishment enough.

The Magic of the Internet

The Internet makes you do funny things like... ...blog your little heart out ...post the details of your lunch on Facebook and Twitter ...post pictures of your bruised toe ...make comments on someone's Halloween costume, new car, new baby, new potatoes

Of course, The Internet provides many other edifying opportunities like watching gerbil pirates. I hear you can also find news on the internet but I'm not sure why you'd read the news when there are GERBIL PIRATES!

I've been blogging for close to four years now and I'm slowly realizing that it's changed me. Not in any dramatic ways but in little ways that matter. I "talk" to you all here, to people on Twitter, to Facebook friends and to other blog readers on blogs in other blogular lands and I think this has made me a bit more socially competent and, dare I say, a teeny tiny bit more extroverted. You want evidence of this, don't you? I have evidence, alright:

Last weekend, I went out for drinks with someone I had never met.

For this self-proclaimed socially awkward introvert, that's a pretty big deal. What is even more shocking is that I had a fabulous time and didn't feel like a weirdo at all. Who knew this was possible?!

I met up with Grace Underfire, one of the bloggers for Grace the Spot, who was in Minneapolis for the weekend to do some beer tasting. We went to the Town Hall Brewery where I had this:

I didn't take notes but the first one was some sort of pale ale, the second was a pumpkin ale, the third one was mango mama, and the fourth one was some other kind of ale (details, details). The fifth one was a cask something or other and it was gross which is why I look at that picture and wonder why the hell that is the only empty glass. I probably treated it like brussel sprouts and got it out of the way first. Sure, I could have left it unfinished but there are people in Kansas who have NO good beer. I drank it for them.

I had a great time and realized that maybe, just maybe I'm changing. I have all of you to thank for that.

p.s. Check out my most recent post on Grace the Spot - Lesbian Madlibs! Fun for everyone...even straight people!

p.p.s. Posting continues to be light but I will be doing NaBloPoMo again this year and you know what that means, don't ya? That's right...a post every day of November.

p.p.s. You know how you think that having cookies for breakfast is a really good idea? Yeah...well, it's not. I felt like I should leave you with some good advice.