Momcraft

I know. Who really wants to hear more about my adventures in Minecraft? Your kids bore you with it as it is but I am going to write one more post because...

I get it.

What a difference a day makes. You've read my harrowing tales from the first day and I was about to give up. Every "day" I searched for wool but couldn't find it before having to run back to my house to cower in the dark. When I did finally stumble across a few animals, they were so far from my house that I often ended up lost and then dead and then sad because I'd lost everything I'd collected.

And then I realized what I had to do - I had to leave my cozy little house and build a new house near the animals.

So, when a new "day" dawned, I headed out to try to find my own little promise land and, as the day started to fade, I found it! I had collected wood along the way so that I could build a quick house if and when I found a more hospitable place and so I was ready. I used my best tool, Miguel. "Miguel! Get in here and build me a basic house quick! The sun is setting!" He quickly built a house for me but it was only three blocks high - no time for a roof. Then, he said, "Good luck, mom." I vowed that was the last time I'd ask for help.

The first "night" in my new house I learned that spiders can jump over the walls and kill you inside your house. Repeatedly. It's amazing how many times you can die in a single night. Every time I'd respawn, "HELLO SPIDER STILL IN MY HOUSE!" More death. I fought bravely and a new "day" finally dawned.

And I got to work. I built higher walls and a simple roof. I mined until I hit bedrock like a Flinstone! I made tools and got wool and made a bed.

Sure, there was the unfortunate incident of digging a hole straight down and not being able to figure out how to get back out and, yes, I had to phone a friend (Thank you, Asher) and when I couldn't even manage to put his advice into practice, Miguel taught me how to jump and throw dirt under myself until I was back at the top.

As I sat in my house in the dark, I realized I was going to have to continue mining even though it's dark and pixellated underground and I knew the likelihood of me getting lost and being one of those people wandering around underground for days was high because I needed coal for torches.

So, I mined and managed to get out with coal and some red stuff I don't know how to use but I made it out and back to my house alive.

With a basic shelter, a bed, tools and animals, life is good and I find myself enjoying it. It is the modern day version of the Oregon Trail but with zombies and giant spiders and I'm starting to think that death by a zombie beats dysentery any day.

Who's going to join me? Let's play!

Mom vs. Minecraft

My kids started playing Minecraft about a week ago and, last night, one of those children came downstairs crying because "I spent an hour digging in the earth and I found all these rare gems and one item I'd never even seen before that is obviously very special and rare and then I died and lost everything!" This child said, "I know it's just a game but it's so frustrating." I patted and soothed and then reached out on Facebook to see if this was a normal reaction to Minecraft and all the moms chimed in and said that - yes - Minecraft ends in tears for most children.

I decided that I would play so that I could better understand what was happening to my kids. I downloaded the pocket version and selected "Survival" and then let the game create "My World."

I asked the kids for some advice as I wandered the grassland, running into trees because I couldn't seem to walk properly. Every time I tried to turn, I scuttled sideways like a crab. The kids said, "Mom, you have to chop wood first." I managed to walk up to a tree and chop. I chopped and chopped like a crazy woman. I was a genius at chopping wood! Miguel was like, "Stop chopping wood, Mom! You've spent too much time on that!" Zeca yelled, "They'll be coming for you soon!" I chopped some more and Miguel said, "MOM! You have to build a house before dark or they'll kill you!" He coached me through making a crafting table and I was so good at making crafting tables that I made 7! "NO, MOM! You're wasting your wood! You need to make planks for the house!" Then, I made planks and then there was movement in the distance and Miguel grabbed my phone and built me a quick little house. Zeca said, "Stay in there until daylight. Don't go outside."

At that point, I had a sword and a pickaxe and a bunch of extra wood. I felt pretty good so, when my kids wandered off to watch the Olympics, I went outside. In the dark.

That's when I saw the chicken and, suddenly, I understood Red from Orange Is The New Black.

I wanted that chicken.

I yelled, "I found a chicken!" Both kids came running and Miguel said, "Ok, kill the chicken and then get back in the house!" I ran after the chicken and tapped it and tapped it again and I killed it! I had killed my own food! And right then, in my moment of victory, something weird came out of nowhere and starting beating the hell out of me.

Miguel patted me on the back and said, "Respawn. You'll start again but you've lost everything."

"What do you mean everything? I just killed a chicken. I should have a chicken!"

"No, mom. You lose everything when you die - all your tools, weapons, wood. Your chicken is gone."

The game really is quite unfair but I was determined so I respawned but I was in a totally new place. I had no idea where I was so I didn't have my house. I said, "Where's my house?!" Miguel patted me again and said, "Who knows? Just build a new one."

Dejectedly, I wandered and cut wood and then it started getting dark and I panicked - panicked like this was real life! Being outside in the dark before had led to the chicken fiasco and death so I ran. I didn't know where I was running but I ran as fast as my pixellated feet would carry me and then I saw a giant black spider with red eyes and a weird green thing and I knew nothing good was going to come of those so I just kept running and they chased me and then - I saw my house! I cannot even tell you the relief I felt…until I couldn't get through my door because I still wasn't good at walking through small places. While I bumped into the wall repeatedly, something kept shooting me in the back and, by the time I got in the house and shut the door, I had only three little hearts left.

I asked the kids how to get my hearts back and they told me to eat or sleep so I needed to kill a chicken, pig or cow and I needed to kill three sheep for a bed.

"Can I just leave the door open and hope an animal wanders in and I can kill it because going outside hasn't worked well for me?"

Zeca said, "Yeah but that's probably never going to happen. You would have to herd them into your house. You still have to go outside."

I waited for daylight and then I went out and I found a sheep and killed it but I am obviously a slow hunter because it started to get dark again so I started running home and, when I got there, Zeca said, "Mom! You left the door to your house open! You have to close the door always! Creepers will get in!"

But the house was empty and the pixellated version of me is hiding in there still.

Should I keep playing?

Oh Pinterest...

I try to understand Pinterest. I really try. I have created my boards and, though they are few in number, they are up to date and visually appealing. I have upped my game in the image department here on my blog significantly in the past year so that I can be more Pintastic and have found my inner photographer as a result. I have followed people and boards and found adorable pictures of foxes and great ideas for Valentines and quotable quotes from writers I admire. So, yes - I feel that I have put time and effort into understanding the red swirly P.

But, Pinterest clearly doesn't understand me.

While spammers have figured me out and send me emails with advice on how to "please my lady" and "give my woman all the pleasure", Pinterest still thinks I'd be interested in a magnet that says I'm "Prone to crushes on boys in books."

Pinterest, if you are listening, I've never been prone to crushes on boys in books. Never. Not even when I was into boys. If you want to know what I'm interested in, I'll tell you. I like words and kittens and foxes and origami and good writing and good cocktail recipes and did I mention foxes? Yeah, I like those a lot. Send me those pins and I might check them out. You send me any more pins about men and boys because I am a woman and we're gonna have problems.