The First Wedding Anniversary

Yesterday was our first wedding anniversary and we celebrated via text because Luisa is currently in South Africa and I am here at home:

Vikki: Happy wedding anniversary!

Luisa: Isn't it tomorrow, the 27th?

Vikki: No. Today.

Luisa: Or was it the 26th?

Vikki: Today, the 26th.

Luisa: Well, happy anniversary to you too.

A couple of weeks ago, I mentioned our upcoming anniversary and she said, "We're not going to celebrate that one though." It was a statement not a question and I agreed that a celebration wasn't necessary but that the anniversary was noteworthy. We then engaged in a little game of Rank the Anniversary by Importance though our lists differ. We agree on the number one spot because we both want credit for all our years together (21 years on April 17, 2015) but we are split on the second spot. For me, the legal wedding takes that spot but for her, our commitment ceremony that took place in 2000 gets it. There is, of course, no right or wrong answer but I was surprised that the legal recognition of our relationship was at the bottom of her list.

In a way, it's fitting that we have different views on this because I concluded last year that the wedding meant everything and nothing at all.

Regardless, I look back at our wedding--a word that I am only becoming comfortable using as time passes--as a great time. I still can't completely articulate what it meant to me so it shouldn't surprise me that Luisa's feelings about it are equally complex. Our kids' view of that day is clear--their parents got married. For them, it remains an iconic moment in our lives and one that should be celebrated. Or they simply want cake. As they listened to us rank our anniversaries, we had to explain that the wedding was important but it was only one of all the moments that have made our lives together what they are.

We can mark our family life by the big ones...

April 17, 1993 (the date our relationship began)

October 7, 2000 (the date of our commitment ceremony)

July 4, 2001 (the birth of our first child)

March 4, 2005 (the birth of our second child)

October 26, 2013 (the date of our legally recognized marriage)

Each date is like a foothold in the climb. The next milestone will be our 25th anniversary and maybe after that it will be Vikki's First Hip Replacement. I don't know what lies ahead but I plan to keep on taking note and celebrating the passage of time, even if it's simply texts with emoticons: a heart (mine) and two beer mugs clinking (hers).

Happy belated third ranked anniversary Luisa! I'd do it all over again if I could. Actually, can we? I do so love a good party.

Keep Walking

We got Chinese takeout last week. We rarely eat the fortune cookies so they lay about until I finally remember that the world will not end if I throw away an unopened fortune cookie, that there is no Good Will drop off site for uneaten fortune cookies. A couple of days after takeout night, I was standing in the kitchen, leaning against the wall sipping a cup of coffee and I noticed the three fortune cookies and I looked at them, concentrating to see which one called out to me. One finally did and I opened it up, cast the cookie aside and read the fortune.It said, "Work on improving your exercise routine."

When did fortune cookies become so judgmental? Fortune cookies are supposed to tell you things like "An exciting opportunity will soon come to you!" or "You will meet someone who will change your life!" or "Make new friends but keep the old." Fortunate cookies are not supposed to say things like, "Your ass looks huge in those sweatpants. Do something about that." My fortune cookie was like a horrible partner - the kind who buys you a treadmill or a gym membership for your birthday. It was as if my fortune cookie knew that I had quit doing push-ups and quit running. Because I did. I quit exercising.

After weeks of push ups, my shoulder hurt so I quit. After five weeks of running, my knee hurt so I quit. I kept meaning to go back to both but I've never really prioritized exercise in my life and it was easy to continue to be a sloth because I have a book to write and a website to run and a personal life.

But yesterday, a friend called and invited me to go for a walk around the park. The sun was shining and the the trees are full of color and I had my To Do list under control, so, I said "Yes. I will go for a walk."

I like going for walks, primarily because I appreciate fresh air and pretty scenery and thinking all the thoughts. Because I do think of things differently when I'm outside. Because I do have thoughts that don't occur to me when I am sitting at my desk staring at a screen.

So, we walked and talked and thought all the thoughts and then I walked her home and walked back to my house alone. Halfway home, I stopped for a few minutes - stopped without thinking that I needed to get home and start working.

The sky had grown cloudy and the air was a bit cooler and I looked up into the sky, through the branches of this tree. The photo doesn't do it justice - you can't see the yellow of the leaves in contrast with the faded blues and grays of the clouds - but I stood there and took the picture because I wanted it to stick with me.

I still think my fortune was a punk ass slip of paper but maybe I do need to get out more. And if I can't run, maybe I should start by trying to walk.