Chopping Block

I can't write. It's not that my mind is empty or that I have nothing to say - the words are there. When I'm in the shower, they fly around in my head, rearranging themselves in lovely sentences that give me faith that something is coming...

"Family reunions should not come with the warning 'Be careful. The water moccasins are hanging from the trees.'"

"I know the smell of stale beer and the sweet sharp smell of yesterday's lime."

But, when I step out of the shower, I let them evaporate like the steam on the bathroom mirror because I don't know what to do with them. They don't fit what I'm writing now. Well, I should say they don't fit with what I feel I am supposed to be writing now.

I've always written with a purpose. For a deadline. For a reason.

I don't just write.

In my writing group, I joke that I don't want to waste my words and there is truth in that. I only want to write what I can use, so, I let go of the water moccasins and limes.

I know that I am being careful. I am filled with doubt. I am scared about the change that is coming in my life even though I know this change is good.

I can't write.

But maybe if I'm less miserly with my words, I will be able to.

So, let me tell you a story without a purpose...

I chopped jalapeños and compulsively washed my hands afterwards because I always end up touching my eyes and lips and then end up with Fire Face. Not surprisingly, I touched my eyes and lips and, as everything was facially aflame, I washed my hands a million times more. Then, I went upstairs and changed my tampon and was forced to ponder the question, "HOW MANY TIMES DO YOU HAVE TO WASH YOUR HANDS BEFORE THE JALAPEÑO JUICE IS OFF OF YOUR HANDS?!"

The End

There. Now, I have hopefully broken through my writer's block and issued a public service announcement about the dangers of mixing jalapeños with delicate parts of one's anatomy. My work here is done.

A Post about Nothing

I know you are thinking, "A post about nothing, huh. How is this one going to be different from every other post about nothing?" Sure, I like to do stream of consciousness posts from time to time and I have been going through a phase of blogging excessively about deodorant but I promise you that I am going to take "nothing" to new highs! Or new lows. It's unclear what I'm striving for here. Basically, this is a post about blog-related things.

Let's pretend that we are all in this blogging thing together and you are my Board of Directors except that you don't have a boardroom or have fancy suits and you don't get to make any decisions. Maybe I don't understand Boards of Directors.

Okay...let's pretend that you read my blog and like my words and come back time and time again even though you have to occasionally sift through posts like this. What does that make you? Um...maybe gluttons for punishment. So maybe you are my Board of Gluttons!

I digress to tell you that I just choked on a piece of ice and spewed ice water all over my shirt and nearly died because I am all alone because there was no one here to pat me on the back and/or call 911. I'm glad I didn't die for many reasons, not least of which is the fact that I'm not wearing a bra and I spit ice water all over my shirt so whoever found my body would think I died by wet t-shirt contest.

Where was I? Oh yes...more about nothing.

So, I tweaked a few things on the blog because I just went to a blogging conference and was inspired to figure out a few things that I've seen on other blogs and envied.

1. At the end of each post, you will now see buttons to share posts by various social media outlets. I don't know what many of them are but you might be smart and fancy in ways that I am not (like maybe you can swallow water without it being a near death experience) and can make use of some of them.

2. I love blog comments. Every. Single. One. I love them partly because I love to watch people connect but I also love them because they enrich the blog post itself. Sometimes a mediocre post is made stellar by the conversation that takes place in the comments section. I often wonder if people come back and read the comments, however. So, not I have installed the plug in that allows you to choose to be notified of follow-up comments. That way you can keep on laughing.

3. I made the blog mobile-friendly. I spend a lot of time on my phone and will sometimes pull up my blog if there is a new comment and I hated reading it on my phone as it was. So, I give you the gift of a mobile Up Popped A Fox which is really a selfish gift. I am generous beyond measure!

4. Last but not least, I finally made a Facebook Fan Page for the blog. Deborah had suggested it awhile back when she did hers but I did nothing and then I recently got an e-mail requesting my blog stats, twitter followers and Facebook fans and having to enter 0 in that box made me feel like Charlie Brown with a bag full of rocks.

I would like it if you would like my page. Like it in the virtual Facebook sense of liking. Of course, I would like you to like it in the real world sense but I'm trying to set realistic goals for my little fan page.

I'm not sure what will happen on that page but so far I have posted things there that I haven't posted on Twitter. This exclusive material includes a single post about unicorn puppies and statistics. Yeah...maybe you shouldn't count on quality exclusive material.

That's it. That's all I have to say. See - a whole post about boring blog things except for that brief mention of boobs.

I promise you a real post soon because I'm sure I have more nothing to share.

My Favorite Moments of BlogHer 2012

This was my third BlogHer. In 2010, I was nervous and lost (literally and figuratively). In 2011, I realized that what I valued most was the connections I have made and continue to make through blogging. This year, I focused on the people and had the best time ever.

The things I enjoy most about the conference are the little moments - the heartfelt, the weird, the funny. So, I am going to recap the conference by sharing my favorites with you (in no particular order).

1. As previously stated, the Voices of the Year was an incredible experience but one of the best parts was drinking celebratory champagne afterwards with Deborah, Susan and Dorothy Snarker. Champagne goes great with relief and tiny samosas!

2. Last year, Deborah and I started a little tradition of hosting an after-party in our room on the last night and LickHer was born. This year's party included a cornucopia of cocktails! Can you have a cornucopia of cocktails or is a cornucopia leaky? Tuck that question into your folder labeled "Questions for the Ages".There was a hotly contested game of spoons (not really - I totally dominated that!), balloon animals, charades, and a spontaneous performance of songs from Grease 2 by probably the only two people who saw that movie.

The party lasted until 7:45 a.m. and I'm pretty sure the guests only left because Deborah fell asleep. There are videos but they are locked away in a vault and Deborah is the only one with the combination and she has already received enough hush money to buy a yacht.For a good time call: Stacy, Laurie, Deb, Sarah, Jenn, Karen, Faiqa, Andy (and, of course, Deborah and Susan). For a good game of spoons call, me.

The only bad things about LickHer2012? 1) It ended and 2) We only slept 1 1/2 hours before getting up for brunch.This is the "good" picture. The bad one is in the vault.

3. Now that I know not to eat my way through the expo hall, I enjoy walking through there with Deborah - primarily for the photo ops. I love dumb photo ops because I like to laugh.

4. I first heard of JC Little through her writing and drawings on Aiming Low. She was doing cartoon swag at BlogHer and graciously agreed to draw me. It was incredible to watch her work and she made me look cuter than I ever could in real life.

5. I witnessed a giant plush character fall out of an elevator. She was a big white box with a face and had purple and black striped arms and legs and big black shoes. The elevator doors opened and she toppled out. She laid on the floor and couldn't move for quite some time while the elevator doors repeatedly nipped at her legs and her handler laughed. Eventually, she emerged from the costume with assistance - her long blond hair completely disheveled - and said, "I thought the elevator was going to eat me!"

6. Possibly the most hilarious thing of the weekend:

[blackbirdpie url="https://twitter.com/uppoppedafox/status/231851752905916416"]

I was talking about my new eucalyptus deodorant and suggesting that I was gonna get some koala lovin' and Deborah felt the need to caution me. Apparently, koalas will cut you. We laughed and slapped our knees because we are so very funny and, unfortunately, this was during a panel. I was afraid we would be the first women ever kicked out of BlogHer.

HONORABLE MENTIONS: Trying to butt-grind a pushy Canadian off the dance floor and felafel. Those were separate incidents. I might have not been so annoyed with the Canadian if she had offered me felafel. Canadians are obviously stingy with their felafel.

So many fabulous people. So little time.