Dream Big

My mother wanted me to be a doctor. This was back in the days when parents didn't have to pretend that they cared about their children's dreams and could apply pressure as needed. My mom wanted me to be well-educated, financially stable and independent. Notice that being happy wasn't on that list.

It took me a long time to figure out what I wanted to do. Like...I figured it out a couple weeks ago when I quit my job to pursue more creative endeavors.

I really hope that my kids figure out what they want to do before they are 44. We have always told them that we want them to have work that is meaningful to them, allows them to pay their bills, and makes them happy.

They throw out all sorts of ideas about their futures. Miguel once said that he wanted to be president. Then, he reflected on President Obama's gray hair and decided that he wanted to be the husband of a future president. Zeca has often talked about her dream of being a rock star. Lest you think she is impractical, however, she also told us she had a back up plan - knitting scarves.

Yesterday, as I drove them to school, I was talking about parenting and how it is different than I imagined it would be. I said that I always thought it was be all fun all the time. I admitted that it isn't because it is our responsibility as parents to set limits and teach them right from wrong. Both kids acknowledged that it must be hard and said they understood why babysitters were sometimes more fun than we are. Then, Miguel said, "But when we have kids, mama, that's when your fun will begin! You can spoil them!" I wondered aloud if we would live near each other and that is when the newest career plans were revealed to me.

Miguel: I'll be living in LA working at my sweet job. Probably an attorney.

Zeca: I'll be living in New York eating hot dogs.

Me: Z...eating hot dogs isn't a job. Dream big, baby!

Zeca: Right. Okay...I'll be living in New York and I'll own a hot dog stand!

Maybe I should force her to be a doctor instead.

My Favorite Moments of BlogHer 2012

This was my third BlogHer. In 2010, I was nervous and lost (literally and figuratively). In 2011, I realized that what I valued most was the connections I have made and continue to make through blogging. This year, I focused on the people and had the best time ever.

The things I enjoy most about the conference are the little moments - the heartfelt, the weird, the funny. So, I am going to recap the conference by sharing my favorites with you (in no particular order).

1. As previously stated, the Voices of the Year was an incredible experience but one of the best parts was drinking celebratory champagne afterwards with Deborah, Susan and Dorothy Snarker. Champagne goes great with relief and tiny samosas!

2. Last year, Deborah and I started a little tradition of hosting an after-party in our room on the last night and LickHer was born. This year's party included a cornucopia of cocktails! Can you have a cornucopia of cocktails or is a cornucopia leaky? Tuck that question into your folder labeled "Questions for the Ages".There was a hotly contested game of spoons (not really - I totally dominated that!), balloon animals, charades, and a spontaneous performance of songs from Grease 2 by probably the only two people who saw that movie.

The party lasted until 7:45 a.m. and I'm pretty sure the guests only left because Deborah fell asleep. There are videos but they are locked away in a vault and Deborah is the only one with the combination and she has already received enough hush money to buy a yacht.For a good time call: Stacy, Laurie, Deb, Sarah, Jenn, Karen, Faiqa, Andy (and, of course, Deborah and Susan). For a good game of spoons call, me.

The only bad things about LickHer2012? 1) It ended and 2) We only slept 1 1/2 hours before getting up for brunch.This is the "good" picture. The bad one is in the vault.

3. Now that I know not to eat my way through the expo hall, I enjoy walking through there with Deborah - primarily for the photo ops. I love dumb photo ops because I like to laugh.

4. I first heard of JC Little through her writing and drawings on Aiming Low. She was doing cartoon swag at BlogHer and graciously agreed to draw me. It was incredible to watch her work and she made me look cuter than I ever could in real life.

5. I witnessed a giant plush character fall out of an elevator. She was a big white box with a face and had purple and black striped arms and legs and big black shoes. The elevator doors opened and she toppled out. She laid on the floor and couldn't move for quite some time while the elevator doors repeatedly nipped at her legs and her handler laughed. Eventually, she emerged from the costume with assistance - her long blond hair completely disheveled - and said, "I thought the elevator was going to eat me!"

6. Possibly the most hilarious thing of the weekend:

[blackbirdpie url="https://twitter.com/uppoppedafox/status/231851752905916416"]

I was talking about my new eucalyptus deodorant and suggesting that I was gonna get some koala lovin' and Deborah felt the need to caution me. Apparently, koalas will cut you. We laughed and slapped our knees because we are so very funny and, unfortunately, this was during a panel. I was afraid we would be the first women ever kicked out of BlogHer.

HONORABLE MENTIONS: Trying to butt-grind a pushy Canadian off the dance floor and felafel. Those were separate incidents. I might have not been so annoyed with the Canadian if she had offered me felafel. Canadians are obviously stingy with their felafel.

So many fabulous people. So little time.

Mixed Nuts

Every Christmas, my mother would buy mixed nuts and put them in a fancy bowl with a nutcracker and picks and our family would crack and eat nuts all through the holiday season like the squirrels that we were. When my mom died, I inherited her fancy bowl, nutcracker and picks and vowed to continue the tradition. So, for the past 3 years, I have made Luisa buy the mixed nuts and I have put them out in the bowl during the holidays.

The kids love them! They love them so much that they crack a million nuts a day and leave a trail of broken shells in their wake and I end up yelling "PLEASE DO IT OVER A PLATE!" or "WHY ARE YOU MAKING SUCH A MESS?!" until I finally scream "NO MORE NUTS!" I don't remember the nuts making such a mess when I was a kid and my mother was more of a neat freak than I am so I can only assume that, like everything else, modern nuts have gone to hell.

I know you are wondering why I am talking about holiday nuts in July. Well, last Christmas, Luisa bought two bags of mixed nuts but there was an entire bag leftover because of the aforementioned screaming and eventual moratorium on nut cracking. The leftover bag of nuts was still sitting in the pantry in March and Luisa and I had the following conversation:

Vikki: I'm going to dump this bag of nuts out in the yard for the squirrels.

Luisa: What?! You can't do that! Then, you'll attract more squirrels!

Vikki: Have you seen how many squirrels are out there?! I'm not going to attract MORE just buy dumping some nuts.

Luisa: They will become dependent upon us and then we'll never get rid of them.

Vikki: It's one bag of nuts and we'll never be rid of them anyway. There are already millions of them!

Luisa: No. We should just throw the nuts away.

Vikki: That's wasteful! I refuse to throw them away.

Luisa: I don't want you feeding the squirrels!

And so began the Great Nut Stand-off of 2012 and the bag of nuts remained in the pantry.

Luisa left for DC last Thursday and I have been solo-parenting since then and the house is messy and everything feels chaotic and, when that happens, I like to throw things away to create the illusion that I actually have control over something.

So, on Monday, I spied that bag of nuts and smiled gleefully as I ripped open that bag,  marched outside and dumped them out for the squirrels. Finally I would be Queen of the Squirrels!

I am happy to report that there has been no swarm of squirrels as Luisa predicted. There aren't any squirrels hanging about with little handwritten signs asking for food.

This means that I was right and she was wrong.

I seized victory in the battle of the nuts!

Unfortunately, I was so right about the squirrel thing that all of the nuts remain exactly where I dumped them.

And it has been raining a lot.

And now there is a gigantic pile of wet nuts in the yard.

But a victory is a victory, right?

Luisa comes back on Friday. I am currently writing a victory speech that concludes with a humble request that she pick the wet nuts out of the garden. I have a bad feeling that my winning streak might be short.