All the Single Parents

Luisa went to Zambia yesterday. More accurately, she left for Zambia yesterday and arrived today. Still - the point is that she is not here. When she is not here, it means that I am here alone. Well, not alone - I am here with the children and the cat. My mission is to keep us all alive for two weeks. I have proven that I can do this but the question is always "With how much grace and dignity?" The key to a successful morning of single parenting for me is to get up very early. This guarantees that I will be able to have coffee without interruption. I will admit that I did not bound out of bed at 5:45 this morning but more oozed out of bed. Bounding. Oozing. Who cares? I got up.

In no time at all, I was on the couch with a cup of coffee and my laptop. I normally read Twitter while having coffee but today I decided to watch Buffy the Vampire Slayer. Everything was going well (except for the nasty issue of the witch casting spells on unsuspecting cheerleaders) until Momo jumped on my lap and dumped my cup of coffee all over me which stained my sweatpants (see exhibit A as evidence). I did not kill the cat because, if you remember, I must keep all of us alive for two weeks in order to win this game and I do so want to win. So, I yelled at the cat and tried to shame her which was quite ineffective.

After Buffy, I woke up the children and packed lunches and made sure the kids got dressed and brushed their teeth and then I made them breakfast and then I packed their backpacks and then I did an elaborate tap routine involving a cane and top hat and then I dropped it low and did a little hip hop number and - for the grand finale - I did a back handspring. Ok...I didn't do the dancing and springing but I did everything else. THEN, I got the kids into the car and to school on time. I even took them to the right school.

Day 1 went pretty well. I hope tomorrow involves fewer coffee stains. If not, the cat gets it.

Yo, Let's Sumo

I'm usually up for anything that will lead to laughter - even if that laughter is at my expense. I get all sorts of wacky ideas but, fortunately for those around me, I'm generally too busy/tired/lazy to bring them to fruition. Last year, I suggested to Luisa and our friends, Kris and Kristen, that we host a Sumo Wrestling Night to raise money for the kids' school. I said something like, "Hey! Let's rent sumo suits and drink cocktails and wrestle and it will be amazing and funny!" And they all responded with something like, "Oh my god! That is a great idea!" because they all recognized a good wacky idea...or were thankful that there finally was a good wacky idea since they probably still remember the time I suggested we build a hay bale maze in the back  yard.

So, we put the event up for auction and got quite a few people to sign up though many of them were unable to attend. Last Saturday was the big night for our small group. We had cocktails, sake and Sapporo to go with lots of sushi. We had sumo suits and Japanese rap music (Yes, I am cheating on Nicki Minaj with a Japanese rapper named Hime). We even had brackets! Every tournament needs those, right?

Each match consisted of three rounds. I can now tell you from experience that three rounds is a lot of rounds when you are wearing a sumo suit. The more you move around the more tired you get. Luisa served as our referee.

The final standings were:

Third Place: Me

Second Place: Kris (one of the co-hosts)

First Place: AMIE!

I was pleased with my showing, especially after my horrible performance during the Christmas eve leg wrestling matches.

Here is a video for one of my three rounds with Kristen (who kicked my ass in leg wrestling). As you can see, I redeemed myself (I'm in blue):

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g5IReTRwvB4

Sumo wrestling is hilarious and fun but sumo dancing? Awesome. Thanks to Cathy for letting me post the following video:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vbO3x9n4SJM

And...if you need any recommendations on Japanese rap, I am your woman.

Nigh

I went to the YWCA today and exercised and that is a sign that the apocalypse is nigh. Actually, that's probably not true but I really enjoy saying "The apocalypse is nigh!" Why should the Mayans and the right wing fundamentalists get all the fun? Also, nigh is a word that needs to make a comeback so let's make that happen. (Please use the word nigh in every comment you leave to show your commitment to this effort). So, I got up and put on workout clothes and found my lock and put everything in a little bag and went to the gym. I was slightly concerned about my appearance because of my 1)impressive bed head (think punk rock rooster) and 2)my tattered pink tie dyed sweatshirt. I ditched my sweatshirt as soon as I got there but the bed head was there to stay. My only hope was that everyone would be so distracted by the sight of my muffin top that they wouldn't notice my whacked hair.

I went up to the track and put on some Nicki Minaj and started making the rounds. A few minutes later, I saw a woman jogging while carrying her big black purse and I felt much better about my bedhead. I actually laughed out loud but then pretended to choke so that, if I called attention to myself, people would feel sympathetic about the choking and then not notice my bedhead. Of course, a few other people joined the motley crew and life was good. There was the woman running in jeans with a sunglass case attached to her belt. Lots of old ladies in slacks and sweaters. I looked damn good which made me realize that I am FINE and just need to keep weirder company so that I look good by comparison.

When I finished and got back to the locker room, it was packed with naked old ladies - like a dam had been holding all the naked old ladies back and the dam burst and there were naked old ladies everywhere! I'd never seen anything like it. The sight made me feel pretty good about my boobs.

So, the moral of the story is that working out really does make you feel better about yourself.

I took this picture after taming the bedhead. Note: I am a clothed old lady.