Things I Did Today by Vikki Reich

I will present to you a list of the highlights of my day because it is late and I am sleepy and I want to bore you so that you will also be sleepy and our mutual sleepiness will allow us to bond and be filled with an inexplicable fondness for each other. So here we go...

I woke up and had coffee while reading twitter and then dumped an entire cup of coffee in my crotch.

I went to Brightwater Montessori as Augie's guest (my friend Kristin's son) and read a story he wrote about a walrus and then watched him divide fractions. He was adorable.

I tried to get a one-eyed woman into the hospital against her will. One-eyed woman: 1 (ha), Vikki: 0

I picked up the house and cleaned the bathrooms.

I scored a billion chestnuts (see the first two in the picture above) without cutting off my finger which is surprising because I'd had little vodka tonic and chestnuts are wilier...um...more wiley...whatever. They are slippery little suckers.

I made a pumpkin pie with Zeca and then watched Charlie Brown's Thanksgiving and was embarrassed for lesbians everywhere by Peppermint Patty's abrasive behavior.

I wrote a blog post for Aiming Low that is due next week and now I will point you to my post published today:

Don't Get Mad - Madlib

You should probably read the madlib thing tonight so that you'll have some zany excuses ready so that you can get out of whatever weird conversations might come your way tomorrow.

Speaking of tomorrow...let's go to bed. Not together. That would be weird...even though we bonded and everything. Still weird.

People Are Weird

This afternoon, I was supposed to meet my advisor from the Loft at the May Day Cafe so I stuffed my essay, my Blackberry, my iPad and a wad of cash into my bag. Then, I spent approximately 17 minutes putting on winter clothes and heading out into the elements to walk to the coffee shop. I walked in and the place was packed as usual. Every table was taken. Just as my latte was finished, however, a corner table opened up and I snagged it. I sat at the very back of the table so that I could keep an eye out for my advisor. I enjoyed a lovely latte and pumpkin muffin and read a few blogs while I waited. Soon, I noticed that my advisor was fifteen minutes late. Fifteen minutes turned to thirty and I knew that she had forgotten our appointment. I had coffee and internet so I didn't really mind.

Then, an elderly man came over and sat at my table. He did not ask to sit down. He just sat down at my incredibly tiny table in the corner. A few minutes later, he was joined by his daughter. She did not ask either. It was quite cozy and I was quite uncomfortable. The man said, "Hey...is that one of them iPads?" I laughed nervously and said, "Yes, it is." He smiled and went back to his scone. They sat and chatted as if I did not exist so I tried to pretend that I did not exist. Then, the man's granddaughter entered the cafe and joined us at the table. There were now four of us at a table meant for two. It was incredibly odd and, given that I was stuck in the corner, I was trapped.

Meanwhile, six inches to my right at another table, two young women were talking and - given their close proximity - I couldn't help but overhear their conversation. Plus, eavesdropping helped distract me from the very odd family at my table. From what I could gather, these young women were home from their first year of college. They had a great deal of wisdom to share.

Young Woman 1: "So, I'm taking this law class and I have to write this paper on GLBT issues in immigration. I haven't really done it yet. It's really hard and I've realized that I don't want to go into law because it's just so...arbitrary, you know?"

Me (in my head): "Oh I know...the law and its whims!"

A few minutes later...

Young Woman 2: "My parents met their life-long friends in college. I think that is so weird. I don't think you meet your life-long friends in college. You meet them in high school."

Young Woman 1: "I know right?"

Me (in my head): "BWAH HA HA HA HA! Also, can I please sit with you because this family be creepin' up on me, yo."

As if they heard my silent plea for freedom, the family at my table decided to leave. I looked up as they gathered up their plates.

Old Guy's Daughter: "I'm going to take your plate too."

Me: "You don't have to do that."

Old Guy's Daughter: "I'm going to."

Me: "Okay then. Thank you."

And just like that...they were gone. They never said goodbye. Of course, they never said hello either so I shouldn't have been surprised.

I rescheduled my meeting with my advisor for tomorrow. Is it wrong to hope I'm stood up again? People watching can be fascinating.

Flirty Girl

I am not good at recognizing flirting. To support this claim, I will say that I don't believe anyone has ever flirted with me in my life which - statistically speaking - is most likely untrue. I mean, someone must have flirted with me at least once, right? For example, I would guess that Luisa flirted with me but, again, it would be a guess. So, I've met this new girl and sometimes I feel like she's flirting with me but I'm not sure so I thought I'd tell you all the things that have happened and see what you all think because I need some help sorting this out.

Here goes, sometimes:

...she casually puts her hand on my thigh when we are hanging out

...she stares at my boobs - a lot

...she makes up excuses to cuddle with me

...she follows me around (more like a puppy than a stalker)

...she has found reasons to play with the buttons on my shirt on more than one occasion

What do you think? I think this is flirting! Or does this stuff mean that we're actually dating?!

Oh god. I think we are dating.

What will Luisa say when she finds out I'm dating the cat?!