Courage Booklets

When I picked up the kids from their spring break camp yesterday, the camp leader said, “Vikki, your kids are HILARIOUS.” I raised my eyebrows and said, “Yeah. They’re funny. They also exhaust me.” She said, “Oh yeah. They exhaust me too.” I appreciate a woman who speaks the truth.  After we got home, they showed me the Courage Booklets they made. Each page has a drawing of something that requires courage. Zeca clearly copied some of hers from Miguel’s but had a few originals as well. Here are the highlights. 

Zeca: 

It requires courage to dress like an airplane. It requires courage to sit on a chair and eat vegetables.

Miguel:

It requires courage to go skydiving. It requires courage to jump off a cliff into a pit of lava. It requires courage to sing in front of a group of people. It requires courage to kiss someone. It requires courage to break into someone’s house and rob them.

I’m going to make my own Courage Booklet tonight and the first page will read - it requires courage to parent these children.

Miss Alany

There are things you should know, tiny little bits of things that cannot stand on their own. So, it's time for  an Up Popped A Fox Randomness Extravaganza! This is necessary from time to time. Think of it as taking your blog-reading medicine. You may not enjoy it but it will be good for me. I mean you. Whatever. So, let's do this thing! Zeca turned 6 last Friday and she was very excited about her birthday but we took care of that! Miguel told her that, as she ages, her responsibilities will increase. I told her that once you turn 6 you have to do everything your parents tell you without questioning them at all. Furthermore, you must do these things without any attitude at all. She said, "Right." I explained that she was off to a very bad start. She rolled her eyes, flipped her hair and walked away. It would seem that her sixth year will be more of what we have experienced every other year of her life.

Zeca shares her birthday with Luca and they like to celebrate with sushi. Look at how lovely Luca looks and then look at my two weirdos on the left. Is it any wonder that Luisa and I are exhausted all the time?

Speaking of exhausted, I've developed a little soy latté habit. I started treating myself to these Cups o' Delicious Energy during vegan week and am still treating myself. I now want a latte every single day. The more lattés the merrier! Lattés for all! Last night, I told Luisa that I wanted to buy a fancy espresso machine so that I could drink espresso ALL DAY LONG. She claims that, a couple of years ago, she wanted to buy a fancy espresso machine and I said, "For what?!" She allegedly explained that she just really liked espresso which was, according to reports, not a good enough reason in my mind and the fancy espresso machine never came to live with us. None of this has been confirmed by a neutral third party, however, so it never happened. Also, I'm not sure what relevance it has to the current conversation.

Speaking of veganism, people have asked me if I'm still vegan and I don't really know how to answer that. I am still trying to eat vegan but I am not as strict as I was during vegan week. Veganism is hard. Sometimes, I feel really good about the choices I'm making with food and then, other times, I just want to roam the savanna and chase down the first wildebeest I see and eat it...raw...with a nice Bairrada. Last Saturday, I was doing some writing at the library when I became so weepy that I had to return home. When I arrived, I clung to Luisa and said, "I just want to eat what I want to eat!" She then drove me straight to Jimmy John's where I ordered a Vito, one of the meatiest subs they have. I ate it with no remorse. Then, we went to Costco and I had a gigantic frozen yogurt. And to all of you who worry that so much meat and dairy would be hard on my stomach after a month with none, I say "HA HA HA!" It was good and there were no consequences whatsoever - unless you are talking about deep satisfaction and pure joy - then "Hell yeah!" I spend a lot of time blaming things on veganism which has become a most enjoyable sport. I have blamed veganism for the following:

• my new highly caffeinated lifestyle
• hip pain
• insomnia
• my addiction to Netflix
• the fact that my shirt sleeves seem shorter
• hummus dependence
• weepiness
• winter

No one ever mentions these things when discussing the impact of a vegan lifestyle, so I thought you should know.

This concludes today's randomness. I'd write more but I have to price espresso makers.

Good Jeans

A woman goes shopping and buys a new pair of jeans. The next day, she puts on the new pair of jeans and goes about her morning routine without a single comment from her partner. She goes to work, comes home and hangs out in the kitchen with her partner who still doesn't mention the new jeans. So, the woman says, "How do you like my new jeans?" The partner responds, "They are nice." The woman is not content with "nice" and asks, "Do you like the way my ass looks in them?" The partner replies, "Well, they make your ass look a little square." A little square. The woman is irritated with this response and requests clarification, "You don't think my new jeans make me look hot?" to which the partner responds, "I think your ass looks better in Levis." The woman is now offended and concludes that the partner missed out on the Good Partner Lesson that provides guidance on answering tricky questions like, "Do I look fat in this?", "What do you think of my haircut?" and "Do these jeans make my ass look hot?" So, the woman says, "I haven't worn Levis in five years! Does that mean you haven't liked my ass in FIVE YEARS?!" The partner disputes the claim that the woman hasn't worn Levis in five years rather than addressing the core issue which is the ass and the hotness of said ass. The woman grows angrier and instructs the partner that when a woman asks if her ass looks good in a pair of jeans, you say "yes" with great enthusiasm and conviction. The woman explains that this is universally known. The partner attempts to divert attention from this life lesson to other topics and feelings but the woman does not fall for such antics. So, who would you rather be in this situation? The woman or the partner?

POSTSCRIPT: Okay...y'all are being too serious. So, the question is now, "What should the partner do to make amends?" And the answer is not, "Buy the woman some Levis" because the woman bought her own damn Levis.