Bananas

You want to know what happens when you do NaBloPoMo and NaNoWriMo and write close to 50,000 words in just over two weeks? You become tired and simple and then one day, you find yourself lying in bed thinking, "You know what's good? Bananas. Bananas are perfect. I need to be more appreciative of bananas. Maybe I should start a banana fan club. Banana fans! That's so funny! I'm the funniest person in the world. You know what else is funny? The word 'chuckle.' People should use that word more and also they should chuckle more. Chuckling is a lost art. Oh my god...something is moving in the bed...oh wait it's my foot. Hello Mr. Foot. What are you doing down there? Do you like bananas? Did I make you chuckle?" The other problem I'm having is that my new rejuvenating eye cream cannot keep pace with the bags under my eyes. Sleep-deprivation and Eye Strain: The Untold Price Paid by Writers. That's going to be the journal article I write in my head when I'm not thinking about chuckling.

One of the ways to survive the NaWhatevers is to feature pieces you've written other places on your blog. We call this "cross-purposing" content or "covering one's blogging ass."

I actually wrote the following piece yesterday which will likely be obvious since it makes sense and does not reference banana fans. It's about my issue with the "gay gene" and it's featured on VillageQ today. Here is an excerpt:

I believe the issue is more complicated than the twists in our DNA and that we’ll eventually find that there are those who have a biological predisposition and those who do not.

Yes, I believe that–for some people–sexual orientation is a result of life experiences and environment.

Yes, I am saying that I believe it is a choice for some, maybe even for me.

So, head on over there to read the whole thing and join the discussion. Meanwhile, I'm going to drink awful tea and try to write 1,000 words on my novel.

Highlights from My Drafts Folder

Today marks the halfway point of NaBloPoMo! I know you're what thinking, "Wow! We are already halfway through the month and Vikki has yet to write the good blog posts she promised us in the beginning!" And to you I say, "Ouch." As I mentioned in my post at Mom2.oSummit yesterday, I do not plan for NaBloPoMo. I don't prepare things in advance and I don't have an editorial calendar. I've been told this is called "pantsing it" as in flying by the seat of one's pants. So, yes that is what I do which is funny since I spend most of my days trying to avoid putting on real pants at all. The challenge of this particular blogging method is that you often have no idea what you are going to write when you sit down to blog. I know you're what you're thinking, "But Vikki! We can never tell!" And to you I say, "I understand sarcasm."

When NaBloPoMo began, Melisa Wells of Suburban Scrawl provided some helpful hints to those about to undertake the challenge and one of her suggestions was to pull posts from your drafts and I laughed at her openly and as loudly as one can when your interactions are limited to social media. So, perhaps it is more accurate to say I "Ha Ha'd at her winky face emoticon, LOL" because my drafts folder is worthless. There are no beautiful ideas just waiting to be fleshed out or even half-baked ideas that have potential. There are a lot of posts that have titles but no innards.

But, my toes are numb and I wrote nearly 3,000 words on my novel today and I have to pick up my kid from a movie in 20 minutes and I need to blog about something so I pulled up the old draft folder.

I have 11 drafts but four have been published on other sites which means I really only have seven drafts. Of those seven, two of them have titles but no content:

Promote or Perish

Home Alone through the Ages

Don't those sound like they'd be interesting? If only there were words beyond the titles!

I have decided to share highlights from the few sentences in the other drafts just to assure you that there are no gems that I'm keeping from all of you:

From Eye for An Eye: "Mom! What does taking the high road get you?! A crumbling bridge and then you die."

From Things I'm Good At: "Keeping the home fires burning: Sure, the home fires may burn with impatience and rage but that counts! This type of burning is better than a house fire or a really bad urinary tract infection, right?"

From 46*: "I am aware that there are likely more years behind me than ahead of me..."

The last one is my favorite because I didn't even take the time to finish the only sentence in the post.

From Little Something Something: "Once upon a time, a child found a little something something i"

Maybe other people have draft folders full of smart and/or funny posts and they can just pluck one from there like a winning duck in the duck pond at the carnival. Mine is more like a box in the basement that hasn't been opened in 15 years and you open it with excitement only to find yourself wishing you had gloves and continuously saying, "But what is that?"

But the only thing to come out of all this--other than this poorly written post--is that I now have Draft Envy.

*Can you tell I was having an existential crisis on my 46th birthday?

Full Court Christmas Press

Yesterday, the day after Halloween, I went to Target to pick up a prescription and was stunned to see a giant Santa and eight not so tiny reindeer hanging from the ceiling. I love Christmas but it seemed that while we were all sleeping off our Halloween candy binge, Target employees were switching the store from monster mash to reindeer dash. I know this is the new normal, that Christmas consumerism has been creeping up on all of us sooner and sooner each year but I was not ready. It seemed other people were, however, as there were plenty of people perusing the Christmas lights and checking prices on those blow up snowmen you can put in your yard. I briefly considered looking too but primarily because my super power seems to be showing up at Target to pick up a prescription during the one hour a day it's closed. But, getting lost in a winter wonderland would mean that they won so I crossed my arms and walked right past the Christmas section. 

But here's there thing--there was not just a single Christmas section. Christmas was everywhere. Christmas towels, an assortment of decorative Advent calendars, Christmas dishes and red and green colored storage containers. I resisted the musical snow globes playing Away in the Manger while fake snow fell on the happy ice skaters contained within. I resisted the cute Santa coffee mugs that I knew my kids would find adorable. I resisted and resisted and resisted and I thought I was safe, tucked away in the general housewares aisle when I saw rows of different sized and shaped mason jars. They were so pretty and I stopped to look at them. "What could I do with these?" I thought to myself and, as if the Target elves had anticipated my every whim, there was a display of books on making Christmas gifts in a jar. No! I would not be convinced that I could make simple gifts in mason jars or that my kids could make sweet gifts for friends and family. I've fallen for such tricks before which is why we have an entire drawer of Christmas and winter-themed beads to make Christmas ornaments.

I walked briskly away from the mason jars and found my way to the kids' clothes where I figured I would be safe. And I was for the most part. The only thing I saw there was a small rack of red and green pajamas with this picture:

This picture is the only Christmas thing I took home with me...because I knew I had to do this...

That should cure your Christmas spirit!