5 Random Facts about Me

I am going old school here on the blog today because my friend Schmutzie tagged me to write five random facts about myself. Please note that there was no requirement that they be five interesting facts about myself. 1. I have a recurring dream in which I am driving up a very high mountain on a winding road with no guard rails and my car misses a curve, goes off the road and begins to fall. This dream absolutely terrified me for years but I can now control the emotional response of Dream Vikki as she falls.  My dream self now says to herself, "This is a dream. Be calm and breathe."

2. I can snort a cooked spaghetti noodle up my nose and then pull it out of my mouth. I first did this in college with my friend Anthony and have done it a few times since then. I was doing this trick at the very moment Luisa walked into the party where we would later exchange phone numbers.

3. When I was about five years old, I would go outside after rainstorms and put a handful of colorful marbles into a puddle and stare at them. I pretended the marbles were tiny fish and I loved their splashes of color against the gray cement.

4. My two greatest fears growing up were getting pregnant and going to prison. I grew up working class and knew that those two things would ruin my dreams of getting into college and having a better life. My fear of pregnancy is the only reason I'm a gold star lesbian.

5. I can and do pinch people with my toes. Hard. I try to use my monkey toes only for good (like picking up objects from the floor to entertain the children) but I do give in to the darker forces from time to time and go for a good pinch. For the record, I only pinch adults. I'm not completely evil.

Now, I have to tag five people and even though I doubt anyone will do it, I am a follower of rules (Bonus fact!) so I am tagging Deborah, Tracy, Galit, Alexandra and Laurie ! C'mon - let's blog like it's 2006!

The Mighty Mississip

Hello there readers of this blog. My, you look lovely today. The fall colors really bring out your eyes and your ears look adorable and not at all elfin which is what we all want to avoid with ears. Not that I have a problem with elves - some of my favorite fictional characters are elves. In fact, I have Snow Miser's hair right now - like a white, icy helmet on my head. Though, now that I think about it, Snow Miser isn't an elf. He is something else. What is he exactly? Well, now is not the time to dwell on such mysteries. We'll save that for December. By now you have realized that this is one of those posts...you know the kind...the rambling post that has no point. I hope you love that kind! You probably don't, though. Luisa hates posts like this - she probably won't even finish reading it and definitely won't log into my blog and fix my typos like she usually does. But, I figure it's better to ramble than remain silent. I think that's in the constitution or something.

So, what have I been up to? I'm sure you don't care but I'm going to tell you anyway. That's why I started a blog in 2006 - to write whatever I want! Power to the people.

One day, I went to St. Paul. I don't usually go to St. Paul because it's across the river. Yes, I do have a modern-day automobile that allows me to cross bridges but it's harder to cross the emotional chasm. But, I had to go to a grocery store over yonder so I packed a lunch and made the 10 minute trek. This is why I know I would have never been part of the Donner Party because I would have been all, "How far?" and "I don't know..." and "Will there be a Starbucks?" I will say this about St. Paul - there are plenty of Starbucks and not a lot of cannibalism.

Anyway, I went to the store and then on the way back I decided to stop on the bridge between Minneapolis and St. Paul and appreciate the fall colors and the Mighty Mississip. That's what we call it here - the Mississip - because we are whimsical like that. It was really windy on the bridge and I was afraid the wind would blow my iPhone out of my hand and then I would have to explain to Luisa why I dropped my iPhone in the Mississip and she would be all, "Why were you hanging over the bridge?!" and I would say, "I WAS LIVING IN THE MOMENT!" and then she would leave me to my thoughts while she ordered me a new phone and - depending on how guilty she made me feel - I would either think "She is the best ever!" or "She's lucky we're not stranded in the Rocky Mountains without food..."

But it all worked out:

In addition to my epic journey to St. Paul, I have been busy putting a new ceiling in my kitchen. Of course, I didn't do it alone because I'm not the home improvement version of Atlas and my arms get tired. But Luisa and I finally took our kitchen ceiling from this:

To this:

Pretty impressive, right? I did have some worries about the nail gun because I would like a more glamorous death than "Shot in the eye by a nail gun while trying to fix a ceiling torn down on an impulse." But nobody shot anybody which is good. We also remembered that we work really well together which is pretty cool after being together 20 years.

I also think this may be my new fashion statement:

It's very handy dyke chic, n'est-ce pas? See how the French makes it seem fancy? Sadly, I had to look up how to spell that French right there. I took five years of French and the only word that ever pops into my head is "fromage." Make of that what you will.

Other than road tripping and ceiling fixing, I have also been recapping Transparent for VillageQ. You should watch the show and read my recaps or skip the show and read my recaps but don't skip my recaps and just watch the show. That would be wrong and I would be sad. Here are the first two recaps:

Transparent Episode 1 Recap: Sounds Like Clitoris

Transparent Episode 2 Recap: You Can't Hate on the Internet

So, I have been writing...just not always here.

I think that's all the rambling for today but, as you can see, my thoughts meander like the Mighty Mississip, except less mighty and watery and full of fish which is good because those qualities are less attractive in a brain.

Savoir Faire Is Everywhere

Last week, we went to Hayward, Wisconsin to see the sights…and by "sights" I mean "weird things." We stopped into a candy store and the lady behind the counter asked if we'd seen the Largest Muskie - a real one that had been caught, stuffed and mounted. We had not seen this 7th wonder of the freshwater world so we headed into town to see it. We saw a sign on the front of a bar and pulled into the parking lot and looked around for the entrance to the "museum" but couldn't find it. Someone said, "I think the entrance to the museum is inside the bar."

Nope. The "museum" was inside the bar.

So, we spent some time with our children in a dive bar in Wisconsin looking at taxidermied wildlife while the midday drinkers looked at us. The kids found the "exhibits" interesting but not as interesting as they found the bar patrons. As we walked out, Miguel said, "Mom! Some of those people were drunk!"

Museums really are educational.

Here is a lovely collage of some of the museum's offerings:

 Where have I been when not visiting museums? I've been at VillageQ channeling Clark Griswold and talking about giant muskies! I've been at the HuffingPost writing about family dinners and same-sex marriage. I've been on the Mom2.0Summit blog answering questions about writing and fear. And I've been hard at work on Listen To Your Mother.

Do you remember Tennessee Tuxedo? Klondike Cat? Savoir Faire. I feel at little like Savoir Faire so I dug up this old intro and reveled in a bit of nostalgia.

http://youtu.be/VMt3GOyRkU4

And where will I be next week? Right here. For Peep Week 2014. See you then.