Don't Give Me Your Number

For years, I had a Blackberry. Luisa had a Blackberry, Kristin (my work wife) had a Blackberry and Deborah (my blog wife) had a Blackberry. So, I would while away my days sending them Blackberry messages or BBMs. Not BMs - that's a totally different thing. Being connected to me comes with a price and that price is LOTS AND LOTS OF WORDS- many of them unnecessary. I try to restrain myself with Luisa because she has to live with me and my words in real time. Most of my messages to her were something like, "I'm home" or "We need ice" or "Can you bring me a glass of water?" Kristin and Deborah got all the extra words.

I wish that I had saved all of those BBM messages because some of them were hilarious but - alas - most of them are lost and the world is a sadder place as a result. When I knew I was getting my iPhone, however, I saved a few between Deborah and me. It gives you a feel of what it's like to get messages from me although there are usually a lot more random Nicki Minaj lyrics thrown in.

V: The guy is grunting a lot in the kitchen and I find it disconcerting.

D: I can't imagine why.

V: I want another cup of coffee but the coffee is in the kitchen with the grunting man!

D: You should be a detective!

V: Well, I kinda am for my job.

D: Yeah, except for normal people whose houses don't look like Grey Gardens and people who don't eat cat food.

V: When I write my book about what field social work is really like, I will say, "Never look in the bucket. Never. Just no."

D: Good advice about the bucket.

V: I blogged. It's shitty but the chute is cleared.

V: And that last bbm was unintentionally rectally metaphorical.

Deborah and Kristin and I all got iPhones. Luisa still has her Blackberry (hers is through work) so she had to get an app that would allow us to do the iMessage/BBM thing. We are now a technologically bi-cultural family. It has its struggles but we're making it work. I am happy because I can once again share my every ridiculous thought through iMessage! Because, apparently, doing it on Twitter with hundreds of people isn't enough. I told you - LOTS AND LOTS OF WORDS.

Cart Us Away

Last weekend, someone left a grocery cart in our front yard. When we noticed it, the conversation went something like this: Luisa: Someone left a grocery cart in our yard.

Me (not even getting up to look): Weird.

Luisa: What should we do about it?

Me: I don't know.

Luisa: I'll call the store.

Me: They won't come pick it up and it won't fit in our car so we can't take it back.

Luisa: I guess we'll have to move it to someone else's yard.

Me (shrugging): I suppose.

We then went back to drinking our coffee. Several days have now passed and the grocery cart remains in our front yard and now we can't put it in someone else's yard because everyone has seen it in our yard for days and days.

Today, Kristin came over to work with me and she noticed the cart:

Kristin: Um, there is a grocery cart in your yard.

Me: Yeah. Luisa wanted to call the store to pick it up or put it in someone else's yard but...you know...whatcha gonna do?

Kristin: We should get in it and take pictures.

And that is one of the many reason I love Kristin.

So, we took pictures of each other in it but you know what's better than that? She gave me a ride in it. And you know what's even better than that? I took a video of us. Procrastination at its finest!

And where is the grocery cart now? In our front yard, of course.

Things I Did Today by Vikki Reich

I will present to you a list of the highlights of my day because it is late and I am sleepy and I want to bore you so that you will also be sleepy and our mutual sleepiness will allow us to bond and be filled with an inexplicable fondness for each other. So here we go...

I woke up and had coffee while reading twitter and then dumped an entire cup of coffee in my crotch.

I went to Brightwater Montessori as Augie's guest (my friend Kristin's son) and read a story he wrote about a walrus and then watched him divide fractions. He was adorable.

I tried to get a one-eyed woman into the hospital against her will. One-eyed woman: 1 (ha), Vikki: 0

I picked up the house and cleaned the bathrooms.

I scored a billion chestnuts (see the first two in the picture above) without cutting off my finger which is surprising because I'd had little vodka tonic and chestnuts are wilier...um...more wiley...whatever. They are slippery little suckers.

I made a pumpkin pie with Zeca and then watched Charlie Brown's Thanksgiving and was embarrassed for lesbians everywhere by Peppermint Patty's abrasive behavior.

I wrote a blog post for Aiming Low that is due next week and now I will point you to my post published today:

Don't Get Mad - Madlib

You should probably read the madlib thing tonight so that you'll have some zany excuses ready so that you can get out of whatever weird conversations might come your way tomorrow.

Speaking of tomorrow...let's go to bed. Not together. That would be weird...even though we bonded and everything. Still weird.