Icy Roads

I slid through a red light today, right through a space between a school bus and a station wagon. The sun was shining and it's warmer today than it has been and I didn't realize the roads were slick. But, of course, the roads are still slick. It's still winter and it's still Minnesota but I forgot and, for a brief moment, I didn't have control of my car. It's amazing how a long a moment can seem. I saw the bus and the station wagon. I imagined the impact. I thought of my kids in the back seat and prayed they wouldn't be hurt. I gripped the steering wheel, said, "Oh god" and we slid through, like thread through the eye of a needle.

The driver in the station wagon honked repeatedly and I said aloud, "I couldn't help it! Like I would run a red light on purpose!" I knew he couldn't hear me but I said it anyway. Maybe I was saying it to myself or to the kids. Maybe I just wanted the three of us to know that it was beyond my control.

We came to a stop and I put my head on the steering wheel and exhaled. Zeca mumbled something and I snapped, "What did you say? I can't hear you!" She cleared her throat, "You can't be mad at him for honking. He didn't know it was an accident. He didn't know you didn't mean to run the light." Miguel said, "Mom, he probably honked because he was scared. You would have done the same thing."

They were right but my heart was still beating too fast and I was afraid I was going to cry so I said nothing and drove the rest of the way to school. They tumbled out of the car as usual as we all said "I love you!" and "Have a good day!" and I got about a block from the school when I started crying because "What if?" What if the bus had slowed down in that intersection? What if the wagon hadn't been able to stop? What if?

I've been thinking about gratitude a lot lately and, as I sat in my car and cried this morning, I was grateful - for good timing, for my kids and their kind hearts, for perspective. I'm also grateful for the frightened driver of that station wagon. If I could, I'd take him out to coffee, apologize and thank him.

Messy

Luisa usually does the laundry but, today, I went downstairs to switch loads. As I was putting another load into the washer, I realized that the kids clothes don't need to be treated for stains as often. They aren't covered in spaghetti and fruit and mud and those mysterious stains that defied identification. I remember when every article of clothing required Shout and wishing it was easier. When you are in the middle of those early years, it's hard to imagine a day when your kids won't be messy. I don't know when that day arrived but I noticed today. Every shirt and pair of pants went right into the washer without a single splash of Shout. I don't miss the mess but I do sometimes miss the little people who made them.

To the Parents Who Love Snow Days

Last night, as the announcements of school closings began to pour in, I remained optimistic. Our kids go to private school and there is no bus service so they do not have to wait outside on street corners. Our school would not close! I would drive our kids to school as I do every morning! We would not let the cold defeat us!

I was texting with Tracy and Galit at the time.

Vikki: Minneapolis and St. Paul schools just announced they are closed tomorrow due to wind chill.

Tracy: #%&! This is stupid. We live in Minnesota!

Galit: Eagan now closed too.

My translation of Galit's text: Eagan is closed! Snow day! All the fun things!

Then, Galit said, "Let's write open letters to each other about loving/hating school cancellations!"

So, here ya go...

Dear Parent who Likes Snow Days,

I like you. I do. I just don't understand you. You seem like a normal person and then a snow day is called and you are all smiles. I worry that you don't understand how snow days work so I am going to explain them to you.

When school is cancelled, the kids stay home with you.

If your response to this information is still, "Yay!" I am going to assume one of the following:

1. You are being sarcastic.

2. You work outside the home.

3. You have a nanny.

4. You have better meds than I do.

5. The kids have tied you up and are answering for you.

There can be no other explanation. However, in order for us to understand each other, I will explain why my reaction is not "Yay!" but "F@#!":

1. I do not want to be a short order cook.

2. I need to write and cannot write while people cry about broken bands in their Rainbow Looms.

3. I like to go to the bathroom by myself.

4. I feel guilty if I let my kids watch movies or play video games all day but - oh my god - all the talking.

5. I have to share my snacks.

So, I hope you can understand where I'm coming from and, if you can't sympathize because you are busy making hot cocoa for your blanket fort, please…please…can I drop my kids off at your house? Just for the day. Unless school is cancelled again tomorrow.

Sincerely,

Vikki