Post-op Blogging

I had minor surgery yesterday. I can write about it now because it's over and everything is fine and nobody has to feel obligated to worry or say, "OMG What's wrong?" or "Are you okay?" or "Do you have extra pain meds to share?" I'm only writing about it because it led to some funny little stories and you know I can't resist a funny little story. That said, I will also admit that I'm still feeling groggy and weird today even though I am drug-free so I have no idea if any of this will make sense or be funny to anyone but me. Is that enough of a disclaimer? Hopefully.

So...

1. When I had my pre-op phone call with the nurse, she gave me a list of instructions like "take a shower before surgery", "don't use deodorant", "don't wear any jewelry", "bring your insurance card and ID", "bring your living will", and "leave valuable personal belongings at home."

I said, "I have to ask a stupid question." She gave the predictable response, "There are no stupid questions." I said, "Well, I really want to have my phone with me but my partner will be joining me later so I won't be able to hand it off to her." She said, "Oh no. You shouldn't bring your phone." I did not like this answer and I realized that I was more upset about her telling me that I couldn't bring my phone than I was about the fact that she told me to bring my living will. Blog life priorities!

2. When I was getting prepped for surgery, I was sitting with the admitting nurse filling out paperwork and answering questions. As is my usual modus operandi, I was trying to engage her and make her laugh so that I would be her favorite patient of the day. People pleasing is serious biz, y'all. She was a tough cookie though, very professional and very Minnesotan which meant that she was resistant to my charm. Finally, I said, "Sharon. I gotta ask you about this deodorant thing. Why would they tell me I couldn't wear deodorant when they'll be working on my uterus. I mean, if they are in my arm pits, they are seriously off course."

And with that, I broke through.

She laughed hysterically and then proceeded to retell my little joke to the endless stream of people that came into the room. I won. It's always good to win pre-op!

3. When I woke up after surgery, I remember only two things that Luisa said.

"I have pictures of your uterus!"

"I fixed a typo in your blog post."

Such is the life of a blogger.

4. Last night, I was still a little dopey but I was helping Zeca write a letter to her friend when we had the following exchange.

Zeca: "How do you spell represents?"

Vikki: "R-e-p-r-e-s..."

Zeca: "Mama? You stopped."

Vikki: "Oh sorry. "s..."

Zeca: "Another 's'?"

Vikki: "What? No. Only one 's'."

Zeca: "Mama, did the surgery take out all your thoughts?"

It would seem so.

So, there you have it. All my funny stories from the day...or at least the ones I can remember.

And let's all be thankful that I have returned to my right mind (mostly) and did not set the featured image of this post to one of those pictures of my uterus that Luisa was so excited about.

PHOTO CREDIT:UNIVERSITY OF MINNESOTA

Nostalgia

I'm going to be a little short on words for a couple of days so, last night, I was looking through pictures to try to find images that I love. There are many but this one always makes me stop and stare. This was taken in Melides, Portugal at sunset (obviously). This is one of my absolute favorite places because the days are lazy and the beach is beautiful and the kids can climb the dunes and build sand castles. We spent days on this beach in 2008 after my mother died and I took comfort in the sound of the waves and sandy hugs from the kids and the company of friends who had joined us that trip. This picture was taken in 2011 after we had spent a week there, a week of lying on the beach and jumping into waves and then falling into bed at the end of the day. When we are there, we don't stay until sunset every day but we try to stay at least once.

This is one of my favorite pictures.

The sunset over the ocean and our two kids standing side by side, taking it all in. It could not be more perfect.

Motherhood and Guilt

The kids went back to school today and even though I had to repeat myself and nag and make breakfast and lunches and remind them about backpacks and snow pants and hats and gloves, it was all good. Does it make me a bad mother that I don't have endless patience, that I grow weary of the constant chatter? Sometimes, when they are with me all day and night, I feel like I can't complete a thought. If there is truly a train of thought, my kids seem to enjoy jumping on the tracks and planting their feet. The train always stops for them - even when I don't want it to.

Intellectually, I know I'm a good mother. My kids have everything they need and they know I love them and they know they can talk to me. They trust me.

But sometimes, there are those other voices that seep in and make me question myself...

...like when I helped the kids make cake pops but was impatient while doing it...

...like when I want and need to write and I let them play video games too long...

...like when I'm glad to see them go back to school...

We compare. We feel guilty. We think of all that we could and should do. We look for our mistakes.

And then, I wonder when motherhood became another thing women are supposed to be perfect at.

But, this morning the kids went back to school and the sun was shining and they laughed as we made our way on the icy sidewalk to the car. We talked about the cold weather and how much better 0 degrees feels than -20. I dropped them at school, went home, and completed a few thoughts.

When I picked up Zeca, I said, "Did you miss me? Did you cry all day?" She said, "Yeah. All day, mama." We laughed and then she said, "You know I just say that so I don't hurt your feelings, right?" I said, "I know, baby. I know."

PHOTO CREDIT: LUISA BRANDÃO