Sweet Times

We picked out our tree on Saturday when the temperature hovered around -9. It was so cold that the trees remained closed even though they'd been freed from their twine bindings which meant that we basically had to choose our tree by height and a feeling. Fortunately for all of us, the kids both gravitated towards the same tree and said, "This is the one."

It's rare that they agree and the fact they did and did so quickly was a gift.

Luisa did the tree wrangling while I went inside with the kids to pay.

We looked at the ornaments and decorations and they called attention to things that interested them and I realized that I didn't have to say, "Be careful!" and "Don't touch everything!" and "Watch where you are going!" They were careful and thoughtful and mindful and I noticed again that they are getting older.

Yesterday, the tree had opened and both kids smiled, pleased with their choice. We set out all the unique ornaments we've given to the kids over the years and the ones we've received from others. The kids call them "The Specials".

They looked at them and touched them and remembered when they got them and, when they didn't remember, we recreated the story for them. These are the ones that go on the tree first. I listened and smiled as I heard the two of them uses phrases like, "We usually do this..." and "That's not how we do it..." We have our traditions and our stories. Zeca mentioned, as she always does, that I broke her very special ornament one year. She still doesn't trust me to hang her Specials so she handed her glass guitar to Luisa to hang high up in the tree.

We listened to music and put all the ornaments on the tree and it was over so quickly.

Miguel said, "It doesn't take very long to decorate the tree."

I remembered when it took all evening as we guided tiny hands to branches.

"No, it doesn't. Not anymore."

I asked the kids to pose in front of the tree and they refused. I begged and they finally agreed but they wouldn't stand still and I got annoyed at Miguel for stepping away from Zeca and at her for trying to cling to him.

"She's pinching me in the back. You can't see it but she is!"

Zeca just giggled, "Yeah. I'm pinching him."

"Stop pinching him! I want one picture. ONE. I don't ask for much."

Sometimes, a tiny guilt trip just slips right out. I took five imperfect pictures before they wandered off - Miguel to homework and Zeca to her room to watch something on her iTouch.

As I looked at the pictures, I realized how much they've grown but could still see traces of the babies they'd been on their first Christmases - Miguel at five months, head tilted to one side as he sat by the tree...Zeca at nine months, already walking, grabbing ornaments with her chubby little hands. Those were sweet times but these are too.

Pondering God in the Target Parking Lot

We went to Target this afternoon and took our time strolling through the aisles filled with Christmas decorations. We talked about our traditions and our favorite parts of the holiday season. She wondered aloud if there would be a new Peep flavor this season and I compared gingerbread house kits and thought back to all the gingerbread houses we've made. As we got into the car to leave, I mentioned that Chanukah starts tonight and said, "I know." She talked about two of her classmates that celebrate Chanukah and then said, "If we're not Christians, why do we celebrate Christmas?" A very good question.

I explained that both Luisa and were raised as Christians so we grew up with the Christian traditions and still celebrate them because they are part of our culture and connection to the past. Then, she asked me if I believe in God. We've had this conversation before and I am no closer to a clear answer than when she last asked me so I told her I don't know.

Zeca: What do Christians believe?

Me: Well, some conservative Christians believe that God made the Earth and people and all living things.

Zeca: I thought the Big Bang made the Earth.

Me: Well, I may not be sure about God but I do believe in Science.

Zeca: Why does everyone believe that God is a man? God could be a woman.

Me: Why do you think?

Zeca: Because, a long time ago, people thought boys were stronger and could do everything better than girls so they thought God was a man.

Me: I think that's a good theory. If there is a God, I doubt it is a man or a woman. I imagine it would be some kind of force of energy.

Zeca: Yeah. I could see that.

And just like that, the moment was over and talk turned to how delicious her mocha was. I wish I had answers for her but, more often than not, I only have questions. Maybe we'll figure it out together.

Only Eight

I remember when Zeca was small and was upset about something that has long since faded from my memory, she turned to me and said, "I want what I want." My first thought was, "Oh baby girl, don't we all."

My second thought was "This too shall pass."

But, there are some things that do remain stable over time and this is one of those for Zeca. It could be seen as something negative, as a reluctance to compromise, a challenge. Even we have seen it that way at times. However, as she matures, we also see that she has a strong sense of what she wants in the world and I am beginning to admire that in her.

Today, we had her parent-teacher conference and her teacher mentioned that she loves doing pin maps. This involves reading an atlas and then placing labeled flags on a blank map to mark countries and cities and rivers. Her teacher said, "There is only one issue. She insists that all the flags point in the same direction and insists that her peers place the flags accordingly."

My first thought was, "Well, of course the flags should all face the same direction!"

My second thought was "This is who she is."

She knows how to compromise. She does. I've watched her develop that skill over time though it will never be easy for her. But, she also has a strong vision of what she wants and the challenge will be for her to channel that in a way that serves her.

I think back to the person I was at 8 years old - a quiet little girl who was only interested in pleasing those around me - and I am happy to see her taking a different path.

When I was looking back at old posts and conversations with Zeca that are documented on this blog, I ran across one that occurred when she was only 3 1/2 when she was willing to throw Cinderella under the bus for the greater good.

Funny. Smart. Stubborn.

Even then, she wanted to change the world to fit her vision. That seems about right.