This Is Not Barbados

I took Luisa to the airport this morning because she is heading to Barbados and then Trinidad for the next week. We've all gotten used to the fact that she travels for work and things are hectic when she is gone but we have all learned to make the best of it. When she first took this job, it was much harder. Her trips were often longer and I worked full time and then had to wrangle two young kids and get them to school and all their activities and everything had to be carefully planned. It always seemed like something as simple as a misplaced shoe could throw our whole lives into chaos because the balance was so fragile.

The kids are older now and I work from home so things are much more manageable.

Now, the hardest part of Luisa's travel is making peace with the fact that she is going somewhere that looks like this...

While I am stuck at home where it looks like this...

Well, that and the fact that I just asked the kids what they were doing downstairs and Zeca said, "Miguel is throwing me on the couch!"

Leap

This is the way I see him most of the time - a blur. He has always moved fast, has always done everything fast, and I am often caught by surprise, scrambling to keep pace. Lately, I see so much of myself in him and then wonder how two people can seem so different but be so much alike.

It goes beyond his blue eyes and the slope of his nose and the freckles on his face that remind me of myself at his age.

He pulses with energy and a creative passion that feels familiar to me and, when his words careen wildy as they fall from his mouth and his ideas vibrate in the air between us, I understand.

I also envy him. He is bold and brave in ways he doesn't even recognize and I see it so clearly because I've spent a lifetime holding back and being cautious and taking small steps.

He takes giant steps even when he can't see what's waiting. There is only him and the speed of his mind and open water.

This morning, I woke him up and he sat up and leaned into my arms.

I asked, "Do you know how much I love you?"

"No."

"You don't?"

He looked up at me and said, "Your love is endless so how can I ever know how much there is."

As I sit here in the quiet, I stare at this picture and think of his words and I understand why he is able to leap into the unknown.

He simply trusts.

Olivier Martinez as a young man

One night last week, Miguel was working on an assignment for French and told me that he needed to use the Googler to do a little research.

He told me that he needed to find a famous French person and dress up as that person the following day.

Clearly, our lectures about planning ahead are really having an impact on him.

Next to the laptop, he had a box of mustaches that his aunt and uncle gave him when they came for our wedding and his plan was to find a French person with a mustache that would match one from his box.

I suggested Louis Pasteur and he was all, "Who was that again?" Luisa explained that his discoveries played a role in the eventual use of penicillin. Miguel shrugged and said, "Yeah, well I am allergic to penicillin."

Apparently, that was enough to eliminate Louis Pasteur from the running.

It became clear that he did not want our input, so, we left him alone to do his research.

Later that night, told me he had it all figured out.

Me: Who are you going to be?

Miguel: Oliver Martinez!'

Me: WHO?

Miguel: Oliver Marinez! He's Halle Berry's fiancé.

Me: That's not even a French name! Are you sure he's even French?

Miguel: Yes. He is a famous French actor. I have memorized some of his lines from a movie and I'm all set.

Me (looking over his shoulder at the computer): First of all, his name is Olivier, not Oliver. Second, he's not really a historical figure.

Miguel: I never said the person had to be a historical figure. You did. Madame said the person just had to be famous.

Me: How did you learn about Olivier?

Miguel: He and Halle Berry's ex-boyfriend got in a big fight!

Yes, my son researches his French assignments by reading tabloids. I'm so proud.

The next morning, He came down the stairs dressed as Olivier Martinez and spouting movie lines in the worst French accent ever. I couldn't stop laughing...and then I noticed his mustache.

Me: Dude. What's on your lip?

Miguel: Stubble.

Me: Please tell me that's not Sharpie.

Miguel: Eet eeez! And zee glasses are for zee paparazzi!

Non-stop laughs here. I think I'll keep him.

I've also got a vlog with Deborah up today at VillageQ in which we talk about what we miss about our kids when we are away. Spoiler alert - I miss the laughs.