Kids Are Funny - Part 6

This is the last installment of the Kids Are Funny Series. Find the others by clicking One, Two, Three, Four and Five.

I have loved these posts so much because they are such good reminders of the laughter my kids bring into my life. It's not easy raising humans. It's tiring and frustrating and, most times, a thankless job.

These funny quotes are like little gifts and documenting them helps me keep the best stuff close to me.

All these were taken from the Twitter from 2013. There have probably been funny things since I did the big archive download because my kids are an endless source of amusement but those will have to wait for another time.

Until then, enjoy the last of the wackiness from Miguel and Zeca...

Luisa: "Take your pillow upstairs." Miguel: "But there are candy wrappers in my pillow case." (2013)

 Zeca "Would you agree that more moms take their kids to the pool than dads?" Miguel "Or maybe all these women are lesbians." (2013)

 Upon losing the championship game, Miguel said, "What a waste of a weekend. Think how much math homework I could have finished." (2013)

Me: "Wake up! I have a surprise for you - SNOW!" Miguel: "I hate that surprise." Zeca: "Oh god." (2013)

In discussing the lack of effort on math homework this week, Miguel said, "I know what I want to be when I grow up - an illusionist!" (2013)

Miguel: "Know what would be awesome? If there were giant cherries that you could eat like apples." (2013)

Miguel: "Think we'll have a woman president in 4 years?" Me: "I hope so. Are you ready?" Miguel: "Who isn't?" (2013)

Miguel: "I love you so much." Me: "I love you too baby." Miguel: "That's nice but I was talking to the cat." (2013)

Me (about Valentine's): "What if your girlfriend liked poetry?" Miguel: "First of all, I would never have a girlfriend that likes poetry..." (2013)

Miguel (waving hand): I have a habit of doing this. Zeca: Why? Miguel: I don't know...jazz hands I guess. (2013)

Miguel: "The girls treat the school hallway like a red carpet runway." Said after standing in front of the mirror messing with his hair. (2013)

"The fact that they think there is even a small chance that megalodons still exist just makes me happy." Zeca loves her some giant sharks. (2013)

"Beavers are gangsters." Zeca has deep thoughts. (2013)

Zeca: "I'll be outside. Call me when my cappuccino is ready." I'm doomed. (2013)

Zeca: "Mom, there is like a million snows outside." (2013)

Zeca: "You know how there is Listen To Your Mother? You could make your own show called Give Me My Phone!" (2013)

Zeca: "Guess what my favorite video game is!" Me: "Sims?" Zeca: "Nope. Cuddling you." (2013)

Zeca (age 7): "Did Neil Armstrong have a brother? It's not that other Armstrong guy who took drugs is it?" (2013)

Me: Who unraveled the toilet paper? This has Zeca written all over it! Zeca: I didn't write my name on it! (2013)

If the Axe doesn't kill you...

Miguel loves to sing. He always has. When he was five, he saw the musical "Oklahoma" and then woke us every morning at 5 a.m. for a week singing, "Ooooooklahoma where the wind comes sweeping down the plain..." at full volume. Every morning, we'd jump out of bed frightened and confused and then calm down and remember that it was just Miguel before he got to the waving wheat smelling sweet.

He sings. He talks. He never stops moving. Our life with him has been one of constant sound and motion.  If I had to describe him in cartoon characters, I'd say he is like the Tasmanian Devil combined with Alvin of the Chipmunks combined with Calvin of Calvin and Hobbes. Sounds adorable, right? Well, he is even though we spend a great deal of times saying, "Shhhh...we're right here..."

I'd always heard that boys calm down as they head towards those teenage years. Aren't boys supposed to laze around and sleep more? Aren't they supposed to become laconic?

In other words, shouldn't my life be getting calmer and quieter now that my son is almost 13?!

Because it's isn't.

He still talks constantly and asks every question that pops into his head and he still sings. He comes in like a Wrecking Ball every morning and no one warned me about the beatboxing.

So much beatboxing.

If the Axe Body Spray doesn't kill me, the beatboxing just might.

But I am happy that he still talks to me. We must be doing something right.

Everything I learned about talking to kids, I learned from my own. They are pretty good teachers. Head on over to VillageQ where I'm giving pointers for parents on talking to their kids about everything, including sex.

Hashtag True Story

One morning last week, we were running late. The kids had taken longer than usual in the waking-breakfast-teethbrushing-bedmaking marathon and they were rushing to get shoes and jackets on so that we could leave for school. We were almost out the door when Miguel said, "Oh no!" and ran back upstairs. I yelled after him, "We don't have time for 'Oh no!'" and began the usual nagging lecture about how he should make sure his stuff for school is packed the night before or early in the morning before he starts looking at Instagram.

He came running back down the stairs and said, "I forgot to do an assignment that is due today." I sighed my disappointed sigh and he said, "Don't worry - hashtag I will get it done hashtag I will go to college hashtag I will get a good job hashtag totes hashtag law school hashtag aw yeah." Then, he turned to me, wiggled his eyebrows and nodded his head and all I could do was laugh, "Go get in the car!"

In times like those, I am so glad I speak his language. Being a blogger and social media person makes it easier for me to keep up with him. He uses instagram and so do most of his friends. Whether or not they are on Facebook and Twitter and the million other social media platforms, they know all about them through that unique cultural hive mind that seems to connect us all.

Last Saturday, we had to take several things to the venue where our wedding was going to take place. We had a giant cake and more alcohol and non-alcoholic beverages. Luisa and I had our hands full - literally - with boxes of stuff. Miguel ran to the door to enter the security code. It was four numbers followed by the pound sign. He entered the numbers and then we kept yelling, "Hit the pound sign!" as we fought to keep from dropping everything in our arms. His eyes scanned the security box, fingers hovering. "Hit the pound sign! Come on!" He hesitated and looked back at me. Then, I got it - "Hit the hashtag!"

BOOM! He got it and we were in!

Hashtag digital generation

Hashtag glad I speak hashtag