Braver Than You Believe

Tonight, as Zeca and I cuddled at bedtime, she told me all the gossip from her second grade class - who wasn't speaking to whom, who was on a power trip, who had been cruel. Her stories of elementary school drama are always my favorite. They are a peek into her world and a glimpse of my own distant past. At some point, she began to talk about friendship and said that she wished that she had more friends. I told her what I always tell her - that kindness and compassion will lead to friendship. She nodded and told me that she had been working on that and that she was happy to have more friends this year than last.

I kissed her on the head and held her closer. We were both quiet for a few minutes and then she said, "It's hard to be different."

It was one of those moments that we all have as parents, a moment when your child is struggling and there is nothing you can do to take the burden from them. I can't change the world right now so that it is easier for her.

But I do know a little bit about being different so I told her that it is hard but it gets easier, that you find people in the world that understand you and even love you just because of your difference. She cuddled closer and said, "I know, mama."

As a kid, I always felt like I was different but I didn't always look and act like I was. In elementary school, I grew out my hair to look like the other girls. In junior high and high school, I tried to dress like everyone else and pored over Teen Beat Magazine even though I didn't feel quite the same excitement about Rob Lowe as the other girls did.

The point is that I did my best to conform.

Last summer, Zeca told me that sometimes she gets tired of being different and thinks about growing out her hair and going back to wearing dresses. She said, "It would be so much easier." I said, "I'll support whatever decision you make about the way you look." She said, "It would be easier...but it wouldn't be me."

Thinking about the conversation we had tonight, I realized there was something else I should have told her. I should have told her that she is probably the bravest kid I know.

It is hard to be different.

It's even harder to own it at 7.

*The title of this post was taken from Winnie the Pooh by A.A. Milne: "You are braver than you believe, stronger than you seem and smarter than you think."

Joy

All day yesterday, I kept telling people, "I am feeling good. I think we are going to win it all." I think it was more optimism than premonition though I'm not opposed to starting my own psychic hotline. It was a feeling. A vibe. Maybe just a wish.

I had friends over last night and we watched the returns with our kids. Each kid had an electoral map and markers to color in the states as they were called. When they saw all those initial reports of states "too close to call", they became worried. I did too because, when I had my feeling/vibe/wish, it was a landslide kinda thing.

Zeca asked to take off her shirt and said, "I get hot when I'm stressed." Miguel and most of his friends left the room because they couldn't handle the pressure.

Then, Romney got a couple of states and Zeca grew despondent. I kept saying, "Don't worry" even though I had worries of my own. And then, President Obama began to win the ones that mattered and before we knew it - our president was elected to a second term.

Of course, I wanted more than the presidency. I wanted it all. I wanted marriage in Washington and Maine and Maryland. I wanted to defeat the marriage amendment here. I wanted all those who said horribly offensive things to be defeated. But, I've grown accustomed to small victories.

And then there were so many wonderful victories - Claire McCaskill, Elizabeth Warren, Mazie Hirono, Tammy Duckworth and Tammy Baldwin. My hope soared as Maine and Maryland won marriage equality. Washington was winning and so was Minnesota.

It felt like a dream.

But as we waited for Romney's concession speech, the gap here in Minnesota began to narrow. Suddenly, I couldn't bear the thought that we'd win everything but that. I couldn't stand the idea that Maine and Maryland and Washington would win and we would lose.

Shortly after President Obama's acceptance speech, we headed to bed. We were all exhausted and I knew that I couldn't wait up for the amendment results, didn't want to face a possible loss alone.

I woke up this morning to a text from Luisa saying, "Yay for the amendments! Yay for the president!" and I realized, that with the defeat of the marriage amendment and the voter ID amendment, we had truly won it all.

It has been an emotional day - full of joyful tears. For years, on the day after the election, I have been filled with mixed emotions because every win has been coupled with painful losses.

Today was pure joy.

Today my hope was restored.

Today I believe that nothing is impossible.

We won it all. We did it.

Lesbian Family Launch!

I am very excited to announce that the new and improved Lesbian Family launched today and I will be a contributing editor for the site. That means that I'll be posting there weekly and helping out around the place as needed. Here is the little blurb describing the vision:

We’re a group-authored site, with contributors publishing original or Lesbian Family community-sourced content weekly and monthly.  We also invite bloggers from the community of blogs listed here–and beyond–to submit original or cross-posted pieces about LGBT families and the issues that affect us all.

My introductory post is up so go check it out...unless you hate references to Ricardo Montalban and Fantasy Island and, if that's the case, my heart breaks for you.

There are many great people involved and you can check them out here.

I also want to thank Mabel's Labels for sponsoring the site. This is not a sponsored post and they did not ask me to pimp them out here. I'm doing so because they signed on and I believe in supporting businesses that support families like mine.

So go forth and read and comment and contribute! Guidelines on how to do all that are on the About page. Well, there are no guidelines for how to read. You're on your own with that but I recommend reading while reclining on a cloud. So cozy.